Dear Jen:

I believe you posted before, same struggle. Welcome back.

It reads to me that the better choice for you would be to take the job offered to you in New York. Reason: it would be the right choice, no doubt, for your career and for the purpose of paying off your financial debts.

The price to pay for making that choice is a distress or a challenge in your relationship of 3.5 years. I understand that. It will be a challenge, a difficulty for you to face. You are already facing it.

Thing is, you invested more than 3.5 years for the purpose of your career. And if you don’t take this job and move to Virginia, it will take you, later, even more years to get to the point where you are now. The bigger investment on your part has been in your education and work, this is where you put most of your time and resources, an investment that is likely to benefit you greatly.

On the other hand, if you move to Virginia, you are likely, seems to me, to feel resentment and regret for having done that, and the relationship will suffer as a result.

One more factor: his job in Virginia may not work out for him, he may be discontented with it… and then, your sacrifice will feel very wasteful.

anita

Hi Jen,

If it were me, I would go ahead and take the job. You stated things with your boyfriend have not been going well. Maybe this break is what you both need to regroup. Keep us posted.

Dear Jen:

You are welcome. No doubt it is easier said than done- most things are easier said than done.

And choice making would have been easy if there was no con to any choice you make. It will be very difficult to be away from the man you love, no doubt.

Will talking to him more or in a different way, presenting more elements into the conversation, help? Maybe the two of you can figure this out.

It will be difficult to live away from the man you love. On the other hand, it is difficult to live with the man you love and watch that love not being enough for your well-being. That experience hurts the love itself.

anita