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Relationship Struggles / To Move or Not for Love

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • August 15, 2017 at 3:54 pm #164146
    Jen
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I am struggling in my relationship at the moment and doubting whether it is going to work, and could really use some advice / input. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years, we love each other, but are both at crucial moments in our careers, and I fear we are moving in different directions, unless I make a sacrifice. He is moving to Norfolk, Virginia for a lawyer position in the Coast Guard, and I have just completed an internship in advertising in New York. He wants me to move with him to Norfolk, Virginia obviously. The company I interned with is a great company, and is currently interviewing me for a full time position. This would be a wonderful career builder for me, a truly crucial point on my resume, and if I am offered the position it would be silly to turn it down. I do not necessarily love New York, and it’s not that I am opposed to Virginia, but as an art director there aren’t many jobs / much of an advertising industry in Norfolk, Virginia, and I have lots of debt that I need to pay off! So turning down a job (if I am offered it) and moving to Virginia, would not be ideal for my career or financial status. I love him, want to be with him and to support him, and I know he would make the same sacrifice for me if it were the other way around, but I feel that moving would be a huge sacrifice I’m not sure is a good idea to make, but don’t want to see the relationship fail. I have weighed pros and cons, thought about all the factors, and just don’t know what to do. If anyone has been through this or has any comments / advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you all!

    August 17, 2017 at 5:29 am #164350
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jen:

    I believe you posted before, same struggle. Welcome back.

    It reads to me that the better choice for you would be to take the job offered to you in New York. Reason: it would be the right choice, no doubt, for your career and for the purpose of paying off your financial debts.

    The price to pay for making that choice is a distress or a challenge in your relationship of 3.5 years. I understand that. It will be a challenge, a difficulty for you to face. You are already facing it.

    Thing is, you invested more than 3.5 years for the purpose of your career. And if you don’t take this job and move to Virginia, it will take you, later, even more years to get to the point where you are now. The bigger investment on your part has been in your education and work, this is where you put most of your time and resources, an investment that is likely to benefit you greatly.

    On the other hand, if you move to Virginia, you are likely, seems to me, to feel resentment and regret for having done that, and the relationship will suffer as a result.

    One more factor: his job in Virginia may not work out for him, he may be discontented with it… and then, your sacrifice will feel very wasteful.

    anita

    August 17, 2017 at 8:04 am #164370
    Jen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you very much for reply. I really appreciate your input. I understand your reasoning and you are probably right, if it were a good friend of mine I would likely say the same – to take the job, but it’s harder said than done when it involves being away from someone you love. Although he may be discontented with Virginia, at this point he has no choice as he is in the military, so will have to make it work. But I agree, making sacrifices that are damaging to me or to my career would not be dong any favors to our relationship.

    August 17, 2017 at 8:46 am #164414
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Jen,

    If it were me, I would go ahead and take the job. You stated things with your boyfriend have not been going well. Maybe this break is what you both need to regroup. Keep us posted.

    August 17, 2017 at 9:28 am #164426
    Jen
    Participant

    Hi Eliana,

    Thank you so much for commenting! I really appreciate it.

    August 17, 2017 at 11:35 am #164450
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jen:

    You are welcome. No doubt it is easier said than done- most things are easier said than done.

    And choice making would have been easy if there was no con to any choice you make. It will be very difficult to be away from the man you love, no doubt.

    Will talking to him more or in a different way, presenting more elements into the conversation, help? Maybe the two of you can figure this out.

    It will be difficult to live away from the man you love. On the other hand, it is difficult to live with the man you love and watch that love not being enough for your well-being. That experience hurts the love itself.

    anita

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