Hi Uncertainty81,

I understand and can relate to you alot about anxiety as I suffer from this too. I am most likely alot older than you, and have struggled with this since my teens. I also have panic attacks, although not quite as debilititating as once, as I have a great Psychiatrist, therapist and 12 step support program.

I believe my anxiety developed from a very traumatic childhood from a severely abusive Alcoholic mother and dysfunctional home. Unfortunately, this has crept into my adult life, and plagued my friendships, relationships with bosses, authority figures, and relationships, where I would get scared, and go one one relationship to the next. My first relationship and true love was when I was 20, I was deeply in love, but had no idea what I was doing. I was immature, “in love, with being in love” and unfortunately we broke up a year later after much drama, chaos, instability and fighting..mostly..my fault. I did not deal with my issues. He was much better off without me, and he did try to get back with me, but I knew he could do and derserved better. I wanted to “party” go out with friends bar hopping and he was wanting to settle down. Today, he is married with children and granchildren.

Unfortunately, things did not get better for me, as I really did not know who I was, or what I wanted from a man. All I knew was I did not know how to really love another person as I did not receive this as a child. I just knew fear, rejection, “not being good enough” abandonment, low self worth, poor impulse control, poor identity and coping skills. With medication and years of Psychotherapy, I am finally turning things around.

Did this anxiety happen before you met your girlfriend? What was your childhood like? When do you first remember feeling anxious? It sounds like you have a wonderful girlfriend, and I would do whatever it takes to get this issue resolved, whether it’s self help books or workbooks, quality therapy, medication, etc. Are you anxious in any other situations such as social anxiety? I do hope you post again with your thoughts or comments.

Hi Uncertainty81,

Yes it is the inner voice that is creating all the trouble when things are going beautifully well on the outside.
So then what to do in such situations? “Never take your thoughts too seriously”.
See for yourself if you are the thoughts or are you the one who is thinking those thoughts. If you are the one who is thinking those thoughts then it means you are separate from your thoughts, which indirectly means you are not your thoughts. They are just a lie. So don’t believe them. So separate out this instant from that inner voice. Dont allow it to come to your head and disturb your inner peace. Even if they come and if they become bothersome, then dont get frustrated and push them too much. Be with them and see them as passing fog of clouds on a clear sky. Catch yourself as they arise by saying – “Ah, there they are back again. There goes my monkey mind trying to create troublesome thoughts”. Don’t engage with, or entertain any of those thoughts. Don’t give them any energy. They will die. What makes a thought feel real is the attention we bring to it. So don’t give them any attention. Soon they will be dissolved.

“Worrying or overthinking is like creating a mental script of the outcome even before it has happened and then using the same script to scare ourselves.”
Make sure your head is not creating that mental script. If we let a thought be nothing, then that’s what it will be… nothing.

Please feel free to post if you would like to.

Thanks,

VJ

Hi Uncertainty81,

Normally I tell people to go with their guy. If something does not feel right, then perhaps it is not. If you feel sick to your stomach, maybe something, (a force, higher power, the universe) is trying to tell you, that this relationship may not progress further. On the other hand, it could just be fear of the future, thoughts of uncertainty. Two years is a long time. Maybe you could jump right in..walk through the fire, and propose? Why not? If you love her and see a future with her, perhaps proposing will help lay your fears to rest, and make you think that things are not as bad as you are thinking they are.

Anytime a negative thought comes, don’t give it the satisfaction. Use a positive thought instead. Like how much you enjoy being around her, laughing with her, etc. Have you shared these fears with her? Sometimes just getting it out with the one you love helps you feel better, who knows, maybe she is feeling fearful to. Just try to concentrate on the present and not worry about a future you can’t control. However, if you still have these nagging thoughts day in and day out, maybe something is telling you, that the relationship will not progress further. I hope it all works out.

Hi Uncertainty81,

Yes I do suffer this way. In fact my head feels a thousand thoughts per minute and I do a few things to overcome this problem.

I have responded to you a few posts above. Have you taken a look at it OR were you in your thoughts and skipped it?

This is what you need to do – more in the physical world (for what is happening in the present moment) than in the mental world (for what is in the past or the future)

Take a look at the post and tell me what is your opinion on that?

Warm Regards,

VJ

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by VJ.