Dear Cheska:

From the little information I have what I understand in regard to your questions is that you are anxious in the context of relationships because you were hurt in the context of the most powerful relationship a girl has and that is the relationship you had with your mother, as a child.

When you feel anxious you rush into certain behaviors for the purpose of reducing your anxiety. He doesn’t contact you one day, you feel anxious and you demand from him that he communicates with you.

Similar to your mother demanding that you spend more time with her, “she demands to have more time with (you)” in an earlier post.

In a loving relationship you ask, you don’t demand.

The relationship with your mother, on her part, was about power, not love. Power demands, love asks. And she demanded. Love is kind, power is aggressive. She was aggressive toward you.

You asked: “Is it because of my upbringing that I react to my former partner the same way as my mother when things don’t go my way?” My answer is Yes. “Is my mother actions mirroring to my relationships?”- yes.

“What do you suggest I should do?” Ask, don’t demand. Talk and act assertively and respectfully, not aggressively.

View relationships as they were and as they are. The one you had with your mother as a child was about power over you. It was not about love. Presently, it may still be about power on her part, because she still demands of you. She doesn’t ask.

When you are in a relationship for the purpose of it being loving, see to it that it is a loving man in your life and do your part in the relationship to make it loving.

anita