Dear Sarika:

I re-read your posts. When you met his man you were divorced for six years or so. But you didn’t tell him that, you communicated to him, instead, that you were married and that your marriage was a mess. You learned his age and you told him that you are the same age as him. You were five years older than him.

You wrote: “I have faced situations wherein my life crisis was blown out of proportion just because I discussed it with people. So I preferred to keep things to myself. And since I didn’t see a future with him I didn’t reveal my facts either.”

Your possible part in the ending of the relationship was your inclination to hide your facts and therefore… to lie. It is possible that these two things are not the only things you lied about. You explained (quote above) that in the past, when you revealed the truth, it was used against you. So you learned to hide truths. I understand that. But in an intimate relationship, this is not a good idea.

The man, he told you from the very beginning that there is no marital future for the two of you and that he intends to marry a woman of his parents’ choosing. He believed that his parents will not accept you as a wife. Out of the blue, you wrote, he changed his mind. He told you that he will take you to meet his parents for the purpose of  marrying you. Then you told him your true age and he ended all contact with you.

Maybe your age was one more lie that he couldn’t tolerate. But then, maybe taking you to see his parents was his lie. Maybe he didn’t intend to do that. I don’t know. This is why trust is so very important, more so in intimate relationships. It has to be two ways, the two trusting each other and being worthy of each other’s trust.

I hope you recover from your heartache. You wrote that you have very little support from your family and had led a lonely life. I do hope that you will have a close relationship with a man, in the future, and that in that relationship the two of you will be honest from the very beginning and throughout.

anita