Hi Lily,

I had hard life lesson experience with someone virtually, too. I hadn’t been in touch with him for decades and when I found him on-line, he seemed just as exited as I was. He lived only a few towns away all this time. It felt friendly and natural – at first. He’d been a sweet friend and pen pal to me when I was younger so that’s how I still thought of him.

For about a month, we contacted each other every day. He shared such personal, tragic things with me and I felt for him. I wanted to be his friend and for him to be mine. Pen pals, like we were. Then things got different. He would initiate contact and then blow me off. I’d let it go for weeks and then contact him. Sometimes he’d reply as if he were happy to hear from me, and “share” things with me that made me extremely uncomfortable. Other times, he would blow me off. I spent a good amount of time wondering whether I should keep our communication open or close this chapter in my life. I reflected a lot, too, and realized that a lot of his stories changed during our correspondence and that other red flags came up. It was very emotional because I’d always seen him as another type of person- and Chermich, I love that you acknowledged Lily’s feelings as being real because that’s how they felt to me.

In the end, I decided to break contact without saying “good-bye”. I’d made an honest effort in being a good friend to him and truthfully, I don’t know him and am not sure I ever really did. I felt very manipulated and naïve about the whole experience until recently when I shared it with a friend. She told me to accept this lesson and to embrace the fact that I am a caring person.

I think it is terrific, Lily, that you are allowing yourself time to adjust.

Strength and Happiness to you!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by ztwilliams.

Hi Lily,

No…I was naïve – lol – but it’s ok. “When you look for the good in people, that’s what you’ll find.”

I can probably count on one hand the times we saw each other face-to-face. We had contact with each other on and off for about 5 years when we were teens. Over the years I’ve kept a soft spot for him and considered him a good piece of my past – and he was. I realize now that I never really knew him – or as you said, “saw him for what he is.”

I’m with you, I don’t want to be bitter about this because I’m not that kind of person. My mom had two sayings she liked to use, “If it’s meant to be, it will be” and “This, too, shall pass.” I think for both of our experiences, Lily, they are both fitting. On the one hand, it would be really nice to be wrong 😉 … but realistically, it’s just a life lesson that has be journeyed through.

Since then, I’ve been more in tune with myself and the people I’m surrounded by and I’m very blessed.

Peace and happiness to you! 🙂

Same goes. In the meantime, keep spreading goodness in the world.