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Regret over Cheating and can't let go

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  • #48414
    Mark
    Participant

    Nathan, It does hurt when you dwell on regrets. I can understand the current pain of missing what you don’t have. To be blunt Nathan, you are living the consequences of your unmindful actions. You have broken trust. Trust is a fragile thing and it takes a lot to regain.

    What can you do? I will not give a “how to win back” advice but instead I will recommend sitting with yourself. Get to know yourself, your desires, your wants and needs better. Understand why you acted the way you did and not understand on a superficial level but deeply into your true Self. How can anyone trust you until you really know yourself and not repeat those same actions the next time? Your four year engagement without marrying your son’s mother tells me how you don’t really know who you are or what you want or value.

    I use to hate when I read in self help or relationship or spiritual books that meditation is one of the key activities in living a fulfilled and self aware life. Now I find that it is true. Have a meditation practice and sit with yourself.

    You can address your hurt by breathing into the emotion, the pain, the feeling. Our breath is fundamental to life. Use it to help care for yourself.

    Metta,
    Mark

    • This reply was modified 11 years, 3 months ago by Mark.
    #48419
    Renée
    Participant

    Nathan,

    While I can sympathize with your confusion, frustration and suffering, I also believe Mark has given you some good advice.

    Sitting down and breathing and bringing yourself to the present will help tremendously to calm your being. The only person you can truly help in this situation is yourself. You are the only person you can change. The past has happened and no amount of focusing on what has happened is going to change that. To also sit and dwell on a future that you envision will happen is only a fantasy. You have no guarantee that what you believe to be perfect in the future will be especially when you are projecting others into this vision of the future.

    Also, as you sit and breathe, notice what thoughts come to mind. If it is not positive then try to let it go. Reliving what you believe someone did to you? Accept the apology you never received. Insulting your self for actions of the past? They can not be changed. Be aware and resolve to not repeat. Also think of these negative voices/ideas as something separate from yourself. Would you continue to listen and hang out with someone who talked to you this way all the time? If your answer is no, then replace those negative voices and ideas with something positive.

    I find the most basic way to develop a positive attitude is to have gratitude for my breath. When a I breathe, I know I am alive at that moment. I was never guaranteed this moment and yet it is a gift life gives me. I am grateful for my breath. I am grateful for this moment. I am grateful for living. Try replacing some of your negatives with this gratitude. Be grateful for mobility and intelligence. They are tremendous gifts.

    I hope this is helpful and you find your peace,
    Renéw

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