Hi Gagan,

I too felt like this. When these feelings came over me, I would think, “why do I want to do something permanent, when he is busy enjoying his life and moving on, while I am sitting here, thinking of ending everything, when something might just be around the corner? Something so much more beautiful, more fulfilling?”. Remember when you think like this, tell yourself “oh, it’s just anxiety and depression” “just thoughts” “I am the sky, depression are the clouds” the sky is bigger. Infinite.

One day at a time. Sometimes it may feel like you will take two steps back and want to call her or think of her” these are just thoughts, and like clouds drifting, the thoughts too, will go away. Be good to yourself and patient with the grieving and healing process. You are still very young. What is around the corner? Something so beautiful I bet. Stick around for it. Anita is giving you great advice. You have us here on the boards. Keep posting.

Your welcome Gagan, just remember, not to board the train. When you think the thoughts, think of yourself sitting on a hill. You are watching a train go by. Each train is your thoughts. Don’t “become” your thoughts. Simply observe them, each train going by, is your thought, don’t board the train. Also, your thoughts are never “good” or “bad” they are simply that. Thoughts. So, if you think of her, it’s okay. The thought is neither good or bad. Watch it on the hill, observe the train, then bring yourself back to the present.

Another good distraction skill is “The stop sign”. You will become better at this as time goes on. If you keep thinking of her, and start to board the train. Close your eyes. Visualize a road stop sign. What does it look like? Color? Where is it at? Any other cars around? When you are busy visualizing this scenario, it is impossible, to think of her and visualise a stop sign at the same time. This is called the “HALT” process in mindfulness and very effective. Keep posting with your thoughts.

Dear Gagan:

I thought about you this very morning, before getting on the computer. You wrote that you are like “an insect does attracted to the light”- well we all are like any other animal, repulsed by pain and drawn to pleasure. We all hate to feel badly and we want to feel good. So it is not surprising that you are drawn to what “feels great… zero anxiety”.

anita

Hi Gagan,

The reason..you still have a strong emotional connection with her. You were with her for a long time and from what I understand a great friendship. It’s very hard to let go. You still care for her happiness and well-being. I don’t think what she is doing is right, as she knows how strong your feelings are for her..then she turns around and is quick to anger. It’s like she has you in this emotional push and pull direction and you are very emotionally charged right now and it’s hard to think clearly, hard to let go. You want her back and now.

Maybe once she moves away, and time goes on, things will be be out more into perspective. You will begin to see some flaws, and perhaps not think you would have been as happy with her, or have her on the pedestal you have her on now. I did that too, in my relationships. I think as time goes on, things will get a little more clearer. You will think about her, yes, it will be very painful..but at the same time, you have to go about your business, work, friendships, making new ones. There is light at the end of the tunnel..