Reeling after a life change. Help!

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This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 10 months ago by cari.

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February 16, 2014 at 6:32 pm #51118

cari
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I have recently left a corporate job in health admin, my first ‘grown up’ job for a minimum wage PT job that was supposed to facilitate a return to school and a lifting of the massive career stress of my fulltime job. Although I hated the job itself, my previous work place was personally very supportive. Prior to this job I had been really lost bouncing from job to job and feeling unfocused. I found having a schedule and people around helped me feel grounded and kept my ‘lost’ feelings at bay. However, the job was insanely stressful, and because I had never finished school the creative higher up position were out of my grasp. I entered night school and kept working at the same frantic pace. Two semesters in I felt worn down. I hardly had time for my three year old daughter, no time for self care and had this feeling if I didn’t slow down I would snap like a rubber band.

So I took this job that was supposed to save stress. I had expected an adjustment period. Instead, I was scheduled 7 days in a row and found my new job took my mentally and emotionally back to my lost adolescent self. I feel confused about who I am and what I want, although prior to the change I was 100% sure of my degree path and felt like I completely understood what made me tick career wise.

I feel horrible. This whole change has lost all my bearings and brought out every insecurity about being successful that I ever had. I am contemplating quiting, but am terrified that will tank me even further into a depression. At work I felt stressed and drained, but hopeful about my future and valuable. Right now I feel like a failure, like I will never get back on my path, and terrified to make any more decisions. I hate this. Is this first change jitters? Or is this my intuition screaming RUN!

In addition to all this crap something internally shifted last week after starting my new job. I realized I am uncomfortable sitting with myself, and that I have some serious issues from childhood trauma that I must address. I booked an appt to see a therapist next week and am gearing up to do a lot if internal work. But damn this us scary!! Has anybody else made a courageous huge life change ??? I keep reading articles on the site and I just feel terrified!!

February 16, 2014 at 9:16 pm #51149

Mark
Participant

First of all cari, I wish you ease, peace and love.

Second, congratulations for your bravery to take the step to deal with your trauma.

Third, the very act of breathing.. really breathing… deep, slow breaths breathing really really helps.

Also, laughter. Laughing Yoga is a good way of shifting out of our fear.
TED talk, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hf2umYCKr8

It seems that you have an idea why you are feeling so challenged at work and you are taking steps to deal with it.

Perhaps your therapist can give you some strategies to deal with work better.

In the meantime, remember that there is nothing wrong with you. There are parts of you which is keeping you from being totally resourceful in life right now.

I want to answer to your query if anyone has experienced feeling that the direction of their life is a total mistake. I have felt that for myself. I found the key is to really know who I am, to know my true self. From that place of truth, I was able to make my life decisions with more confidence..and more faith. I needed my faith in order to deal with those times when I felt I went off course.

Remember, nothing is permanent. We can make new choices. I like the quote from the movie, The Best, Exotic Marigold Hotel, “Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.” I believe in that.

Take care,
Mark

February 16, 2014 at 11:15 pm #51157

allzil
Participant

Periods of adjustment, at least for me and I’m sure for many, are always hard. I am currently back in my hometown, which I left to live in South America for almost two years. I have no career, my degree does not insert me into a job, I miss my ex-boyfriend (ugh..) and I have almost no community of friends here anymore – something that I used to rely on *immensely*. I am living at home and my costs are few, and the last month has been one of utter hopelessness, anxiety and depression. It was hard, but for my mental health and to give me options to do *something* of use, in the future, I got some work. They are measly hours and there a bunch of reasons why I could just devalue the positions, but I remind myself that I’m working towards the future – this is not my career, and I am NOT stuck in this for the rest of my life. Man, patience is a virtue: that’s the truth.

For some, daily routines and something to expect each day with certainty makes you grounded, makes you sane. Looks like that’s what you had at the F/T past job. You made some choices to make changes, and they required that you make a sacrifice – taking a P/T job that isn’t necessarily the best situation. Know that you are working towards a goal, and just like the previous poster said, the change phase you are in now is *temporary*. Sometimes it can be hard to cope, but as long as you and your child are healthy and safe, you can get through this to the other side. Slug it out. If you made the choice to get the higher education when you were feeling good and proactive about your career and future, then just hold on to that mentality; remember that you thought things through, and stick to your guns. If you’re doubting yourself, a career counselor, the therapist, or someone in a similar circumstance that has already gone through this process could help immensely. But the gut sometimes can be relied upon too.

Hang in there, we all get through the things we go through to get to higher ground, eventually..

February 17, 2014 at 8:14 am #51174

Michael Heuer
Participant

It’s going to be tough for a while. I think that’s something worth accepting. Don’t let everything overwhelm you, and try to take stock in what you have instead of what you don’t have. You’re alive. You have your health, a roof over your head, food, warmth and a healthy daughter. That’s something. You’re current knowledge and education cannot be taken away from you. So, basic needs = met. Still feeling rough? That’s totally normal.

You took a huge leap of faith, and the outcome hasn’t been perfect. There’s going to be a time of growth with the change that will probably keep being uncomfortable, but try to come to terms with the fact that you’re learning. You may be facing a time where you will need to finally make peace, yeah? Sucks, but it’s worth doing.

A little about me. I’m not perfect, and I’m facing some big changes too. I just had a relationship end, and left a long term relationship earlier this year. My career has been feeling unfulfilling, and I’m left feeling empty and broken. I decided to try and fix myself through reflection and philosophy. It’s been working alright. I suggest getting into Seneca. A great book to start with would be Letters from a Stoic. It’s pretty amazing seeing ancient insights that are still 100% true. Stoicism is a great means to achieving personal peace. If you want, feel free to look at my blog. http://www.thesodbusterblog.com . It’s not monetized, so it really is part of my healing. I don’t know if it will help seeing another person struggling, but maybe it will help knowing that you’re not alone in struggle, and everyone is facing down their own demons.

Things will improve when you are ready for them to improve. Stay calm, and make peace with yourself, so that you can evaluate what you truly want. Take care of yourself. Cheers.

February 17, 2014 at 1:49 pm #51186

cari
Participant

Thank you truly for all the support and response. Ur empathy and personal stories really does make me feel less alone. Basically what everyone has said is true. This change is really hard. I ended up listening to my gut. I called and said thank you for the opportunity but I needed to quit my new PT job. Although this makes me feel guilty, I knew it’s what I wanted/needed. Not an hour later my old manager called, apologetically and asked me if there is any part time arrangement that would entice me to come back. No joke. I was so busy getting my ducks in a row and prepping to change I didn’t actually consider asking my previous employer to work with me.

I’m not out of the woods. I know thus is still a huge adjustment and I really just had this empiphany that there a pretty serious internal conflict that is keeping me from being present. I can’t stand uncertainty, I have trouble advocating my needs, and I don’t feel confident about my choices. I feel really lost and sad. And I think I do need to accept that. I think more than anything I have a right to have down time. I am going to do this internal work and try to heal. I really don’t think any path is going to feel ‘right’ until it involves healing. I think I am confused between being ‘positive’ and being human.

I also went to my Bikram class today and remember even with a extra time afforded by reducing my hours of work I have to prioritize myself. It’s way to easy to fill my day with childcare, cleaning, schoolwork and general busy-ness. I have set aside time to heal myself. And I am going to honor that commitment even tho it’s super duper scary.
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