Hey Hannah,

I understand very well where you’re coming from. I would advise that you accept whatever feelings come up. Whether you feel fear, excitement, dread, sadness, just observe your feelings. Be the space for those emotions. Try to detach from whatever has transpired in the past, those are only your memories. He can only affect you as much as you allow him to. When you have a negative thought come up, try to say something which brings you joy, happiness, or peace. I simply say the word “peace” in response to negative thoughts. Or I think of the sounds and smell of the ocean. Maybe try to be happy for the situation. Maybe it will give you a chance to find peace with what happened. Your PhD is your chance to make the grades you always thought you should have made in undergrad. You said you carry guilt about not doing as well as you could. Now you have the chance to show your real talents in your program. You only get one chance to make a first impression on your professors! Focus on what you have control over. You can’t control when you may see him or what he may say to you. But you can control your reaction to him. Practice breathing deeply, letting go of the past, keeping calm. You can set your life up for having mental health- exercise, eat well, strengthen existing social relationships and make new ones. Staying away from toxic people as much as possible is very important. But it isn’t only important to physically stay away from them. It’s important that they stay away from your thoughts as well. Focusing on them and what they’ve done and why won’t change them at all. Being happy, busy, engaged socially, healthy, etc, will take your mind completely off of him. So, in sum, accept the situation, accept your feelings about it, take action to make your life better. Namaste!