Hi Siobhan

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m glad that you found healing on your journey.

I’ve got a similar story to you. My adopted mother was also severely abused. She was unable to care for her children in a healthy way. A lot of damage was caused in the family and she suffers from depression.

My biological mother also was severely abused and actively chose to take on the role as an abuser. She was suicidal at the same time as doing all of this. But unable to acknowledge or apologise for the pain caused.

People do blame themselves for the pain they cause, even when they are unable to vocalise it and acknowledge it. These people are already deeply wounded and damaged. Acknowledging the hurt caused means being vulnerable and open. Welcoming the pain. They survive by ignoring it as best they can. I don’t think it’s necessary that they don’t love enough. It’s a survival mechanism.They may or may not love despite that choice. My biological mother cannot.

My adopted mother is unhealthy but ultimately cares even though our relationship has been difficult because she feels judged when I voice my concerns. It has been difficult for her that I choose to shine a light on the pain, in the hope that we all heal from it.

Please feel free to share your thoughts if you have any. Thank you once again for sharing.

Wishing you all the best! 🙏