Well, the best advice I can give you is to sit down and talk about your feelings with this persons. That’s the problem sometimes, lack of communication, then that’s where assumptions comes along which leads to mis-understandings. I love someone who is so afraid of coming out of the closet, that I paid a heavy price for that. Lies after lies after lies. According to the so called professional counselors & psychologists who are both friends and non-friends, have all said that I have been in love with a sociopath and a woman who has split personalities. They are convinced she is also bi-polar. That was really painful to hear so I stopped going to see a counselor until I sit down with my so called ex and discuss with her what really happened here. The best advice like I said is to sit down and talk to your ex or that you both go see a counselor together to get the results and peace that you need in order to move forward.

Hi there,

I followed your link and actually found a word for what I went through myself a couple years ago, which quite took me by surprise. I had never considered that he might have done it on purpose, I always thought it was his alcohol addiction…

What really helped me with the severe sleeping problems I had in the wake of the whole thing was the hypnosis tapes and the videos of Joseph Clough – http://www.josephclough.com – He’s written a book as well, if you prefer reading, but I haven’t read it (yet!). He basically tells you that it is up to you to decide how you see yourself and where you are going in your life, and shows you how to make sure you don’t get side-tracked. His videos and some of his hypnosis audio are free. His work really helped me move on and take charge of my life.

I’m at a point now where I’m not even angry at my ex-husband anymore. I’ve grown so much from going through this and now appreciate so many things in my life that I didn’t even notice before – I just wish that my kids didn’t have to go through it all too.

Congratulations on escaping! I’ll be out a year in March after 12 years of trying to make an insane situation work. My ex is a narcissist and gaslighting is a specialty of his. Psychotherapy helped me see what he was doing. Reminded me of the cycle of abuse so I would remember what he was doing to me – as he was trying to do it again. It taught me about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and that there are times when getting myself to eat and sleep were all that was important. I read a lot on the internet – took what I liked and ignored what wasn’t helpful.Yoga is awesome. Journaling is too. Meditation. Hot baths. Whatever makes you feel good and whole. Surround yourself with positive people who understand what you’re going through. Go easy on yourself. It takes time and patience to heal.

Sending you peace and light. :0)

This is wonderful that you found the courage to get out. I recommend pretty much all books by Beverly Engel, specifically “the Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome” and “The Emotionally-abused woman.” She addresses specific issues with emotional abuse and how to process and work through your experiences and provide tips on self-care. She is able to provide really insightful clarity on emotionally-abusive situations so you don’t feel like your the only one. It is hard thing to talk about so I completely understand not wanting to get into depths of it. I had an abusive relationship (only came to see it was abusive when it was over) 6 years ago and I read her books and still see a therapist to work through things that happened. It gets better. Protect yourself and reclaim your space. Be well!

I personally was gaslighted by my abusive mother from age 3 until 17. She is still alive and I am estranged from her. Gaslighting in my opinion is the most cruelest form of torture. To make it where the victim can not even find refuge within themselves. They make you question your own sanity, question what you think is normal and what is not, question your innocence. This all occurring in my formative years scarred me for life when my only crime was simply being born.

First I need to recommend professional therapy. It is expensive, but if you can afford it take advantage of it.

In your case you need to acknowledge that you are no longer in the abusive relationship. That is now in the past. When healing yourself you need to see the importance of the present moment. The present moment is the only time healing takes place. Realize that the past is over and the furture is not here yet. Your abuser was hard on you. Sometimes we tend to be just as hard on ourselves as our abusers were. Self compassion and self love is going to be very important on your path to healing (and you will heal). You may also utilize cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to deprogram any distorted thinking you may have developed.

As a grown man in my 30s, I still was struggling from abuse that happened in my childhood until I made a conscious effort to move past it. I am more than confident you will get past this. I will share with you what has helped me. I hope it helps you.
My regiment:
-professional therapy (when I have the luxury to afford it)
-exercise daily
-daily meditation (I often practice with Buddhist monks and nuns)
-staying fully present in the moment

Books that helped me:
For CBT to retrain negative and distorted thinking, this book is top rated.

For regaining self esteem and self worth this book helps me.

For any depression you make have encountered