A little over three months ago my boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me. I was devastated and am still handling it. We were very close and had very intertwined lives, and I felt like I lost my “go-to” person. The person you come home to, your best friend, your comfort zone. However, I had something to look forward to. A good friend was planning on moving into my apartment for 2 months in between moving away for law school.

We became best friends very quickly and I am very grateful to say that through the loss of my relationship, I gained a best friend for life. Our lives also became intertwined as I somewhat joined her group of friends among her boyfriend and all of their friends as well. They welcomed me with open arms.

However, the two months are now up and I am truly forced into living alone. There has also been difficulty finding a roommate to replace her, so I don’t even have a new roommate lined up to keep me company.

I’m feeling very depressed and lonely, wondering if this is going to send me down a very sad path. I am going to continue my yoga practice, my involvements in a nonprofit organization, exercise, and keeping up with all of the friends I still have.

I’m hoping this sadness passes, but it is a kind of sadness I’ve never felt before. It is the feeling of truly being alone and embarking on a new journey without any comfort zone. I have friends but still, no go-to best friend that lives in the same city as me. I am trying to be positive and know that I DO have best friends to text and call, but just no one in close proximity.

I’m afraid that I can’t make it on my own and that I’m not capable, because my two older sisters have struggled with getting on their own two feet due to mental illness. I am the youngest of my sisters and have always been able to rise above, but I feel as if I’m running from the loneliness or depression. I don’t want to let myself ruminate or be sad. Does this start with self love? Am I afraid to be alone because I don’t think I’m good enough? Am I just being dramatic and this is just a tricky transition period? Am I codependent?

I’m trying my best to reframe my thoughts and recognize that life is truly not about the circumstances, but your mindset regarding them. I’m trying to acknowledge the fact that had my boyfriend not left, I would have never gotten as close with my new best friend. I’m trying to acknowledge that if I had found a roommate last year, I would have never had the spare room for her to move in to for 2 months. I am trying to see the golden nugget in this period of loneliness. I am trying to tell myself that this is practice for being independent, strong, and finding the comfort zone within myself.

I did live alone for a few months post-break up/pre-roommate and I began to find the comfort zone within myself, and I actually enjoyed it. But once my friend moved in I soon remembered the warmth of relationships, dependency and a comfort zone with someone you get along with so well. I am hoping that I’m able to remember that feeling of independence. I’m thinking that maybe since I only lived alone for a couple months, the independence didn’t quite stick so I have to work it up again.

That’s what I’m hoping at least, I just wanted to get some thoughts off my chest and hear some words of encouragement in this tricky time.

• This topic was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by sadpeach.
• This topic was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by sadpeach.