Batman,

It takes two, you can not say that the blame is more his or hers. When people say it wasn’t my “intention” to hurt anyone, its seems dodgy. There are some behaviors that when executed, carry the risk or guarantee that someone will be hurt, cheating or being involved with an affair is one of these situations. Just because one says they had no intention of hurting him, yourself, or his wife does not absolve one of responsibility, one should know what would inevitably occur and this be reason enough to steer clear. Its played out in life everyday as an example to all of the consequences of this behavior. Getting to the bottom of why it happened will be a better focus of energy than simply on what had happened.

You do speak wisdom that this is in the past, and nothing can be done about it now except, accept responsibility for her part, make a change, learn from it, and grow. Make sure to never involve oneself into situation that has caused so much grief and pain ever again.

I’ll agree that, Lynda you are not damaged goods. Bad choices do not define us, as the person we wish to be tomorrow can be better and different than the person we were yesterday. Its ultimately your choice, to allow yourself to let the past dictate your future or flip the page and start a new chapter.

I also agree to cutting this person off, you say you can not forgive him, and still have negative feelings, yet you continue to engage with him……if these statements are true, then what benefit are your receiving by tearing open old wounds? or are you simply trying to still feel a connection? even if it causes you pain after the initial buzz wears off?

I hope you can find peace on the matter, we are all capable of some questionable behaviors, its the downfall of being human, the upside is the ability to find understanding and control ourselves moving forward.

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by Chad.

@Bruce

Your point becomes more clear, surely the more accountable person here is the 64 year old man. I agree and have no doubt he saw this opportunity to take advantage of a well meaning and maybe tad naive younger person. We were all that person once, just wanting love and not quite sure how to get there, meeting predatory folks along the way. Whenever I see a relationship with a large age disparity your comment is always what comes to mind.

I understand that 23 is not a ripe age. I know we dont live in a society where 23 is really an adult. My therapist told me the adolescent mindset last till into the mid to late twenties these days. Where as 200 years ago this was mid life for some people.