Dear Jesus:
“I always shut away”- we close ourselves because we are afraid and want to protect ourselves from getting hurt once again. Fear is powerful. It doesn’t disappear when we understand better (“I learned my lesson”). Understanding better, or learning your lesson, is only the beginning.
In a future relationship, you will need to communicate better and to encourage her to communicate with you honestly, as you do. The two of you will need to be honest and open with each other so that you can help each other overcome fear. Everyone is afraid of getting hurt.
An honest relationship between two people looking for love is a great opportunity for each to learn about oneself and the other, share fears, share hopes, never attack the other but express anger in a contained way, respectfully, solve problems in ways that work for the two individuals, take time out when very distressed so to not react automatically in ways to be regretted later.
I hope to read more from you, Jesus, anytime.
anita