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Reaching Out After "Ghosting"

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  • May 27, 2018 at 3:09 am #209591
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jenine:

    I would like to understand better: before you stopped communicating with him, why didn’t you let him know that you need to focus on studying for your exams and this is why you planned on no longer communicating with him… why did you ghost him?

    anita

    May 27, 2018 at 4:44 am #209599
    Airene
    Participant

    Hello Jenine,

    Like Anita, I’m wondering why you didn’t say something to your new friend about needing to focus on studying?

    You say “after a failed attempt to get into the dating scene, I can’t stop thinking about him.”  Is it him you’re thinking about, or just feeling lonely and needing a friend?

    If you do reach out to him, I wouldn’t start off with an apology unless you sensed the friendship was moving toward something beyond a texting friendship – the reason being that what the two of you had might have been a blip on his screen and in fact he might not remember who you are.   I would start with hello, and light conversation.  And ask how he is doing.  Go from there.  You will know if an apology is in order based on his responses.

    Airene

     

    May 27, 2018 at 12:12 pm #209643
    Jenine
    Participant

    There was a point in the friendship in which I wasn’t talking a lot and I apologised and told him that I was finding it hard to communicate and study at the same time. So I definitely mentioned it, but didn’t say anything before I dropped away. And for further context, the last message sent was from me. I believe he understood that I was busy and was letting me initiate because he didn’t want to bother me, but I never did.

    May 27, 2018 at 12:15 pm #209645
    Jenine
    Participant

    I replied to Anita above to clarify a few things!

    I’m totally aware that I might just be lonely and so I decided that if I DO reach out, it wouldn’t be for another week or two once I’ve let myself “heal” a little. But to be fair, I never really did stop thinking about him, even before I tried dating again.

     

     

    May 28, 2018 at 4:15 am #209697
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jenine:

    So you didn’t ghost him: you communicated to him that you find it difficult to interact with him and study at the same time. And he did not respond to your last message.

    Based on this information, my answer to your question: “if there’s any point in sending him a quick text apologizing and letting him know I live here now?”

    Regarding the apology, I don’t see a reason for it because you were the last to send a message to which he did not reply. Regarding letting him know you now live where he does (and no longer studying for your exams)- I don’t see any harm in it.

    anita

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