Sorry I confused you Who!
What I meant was that we all have an overarching purpose; however we take different paths (smaller / external paths) to get to it. For example, if the overarching purpose for two different people is to learn about love, one’s path to learn about love might be through service to the poor, whereas another’s might be through overcoming lovelessness from a parent.

The “service to the poor” or the “lovelessness” of a parent” was what I was referring to as a different vehicle for the same journey, but I think that was confusing, so you can ignore that! 🙂

That’s a biggie Jack – to be able to accept yourself unconditionally! We’re so critical of ourselves, aren’t we? To be able to not only have tolerance but to accept and love yourself despite our perceived imperfections (we’re only human huh) – that’s a biggie!

who
No problem. I strive for self-honesty. But you know what. Anyone who says they are totally honest is a liar.
People love BS and they encourage BS from us so we give it to them. Full honesty can be too depressing and brutal. Noone wants to hear it really, do they?

Dear who, Jock and Saisha/ Reader:

I am back to this thread 6 years and 9 months later. I wish you were still here, who, Saisha and jock!

who asked: “Are we born with a purpose in life, or do we create our own as we live life?… If we are born with a purpose, does that mean that no matter what the path is it’s already chosen for us? Or do we live our lives and create a purpose for ourselves to have meaning?”

jock (aka Jack, aka Llama Jack) answered: “The exterior purpose is like, what job should I do, who should I marry? The interior purpose is our spiritual path. Are we ethical, honest, authentic in our life? Are we remaining true to ourselves, despite unpopularity?… I think I’ve spent too much time focused on my exterior purpose rather than my interior purpose. I’ve been obsessed ‘if I just found the right career, my niche’, when in reality no 1 career alone suits me. If I just focused on being a better, more ethical person with more self-discipline and self-respect, I think the outer purpose would fall into place… The outer self is our superficial self, success and failure, achievement and lack of achievement. I think the inner self is more important…

“I think my purpose is to learn to accept myself unconditionally and therefore other people. Tolerance for my tendency to quit when the going gets tough, tolerance for my lack of courage in the past, tolerance for past sins of treating some people with arrogance and disdain. Tolerance for my current situation, however imperfect.

“This especially. If I can fully accept my current situation without self-judgement, I can learn to accept future ‘current situations.’…

“I strive for self-honesty. But you know what. Anyone who says they are totally honest is a liar. People love BS and they encourage BS from us so we give it to them. Full honesty can be too depressing and brutal. No one wants to hear it really, do they?”

anita answered: “We are born alive with the purpose of living until we die. Just like any plant and animal…  Our purpose is to SEE more and more of WHAT IS, to remove delusions, false beliefs and see the bare minimum of what is in front of us“.

Saisha answered: “We are born with a purpose… that’s the same for everyone, whatever different paths they take on the journey… one’s path to learn about love might be through service to the poor, whereas another’s might be through overcoming lovelessness from a parent… We’re so critical of ourselves, aren’t we? To be able to not only have tolerance but to accept and love yourself despite our perceived imperfections (we’re only human huh) – that’s a biggie! “.

Today, I will add a whole lot to the above, my thoughts, my understandings (it will be a long post). Any member reading this is welcome to add your thoughts and your understandings. My purpose in resurrecting this thread is not necessarily to start a discussion between members, and it is definitely not to start an argument or a debate, but to simply add to this thread and invite other members to add to it as well.

The questions posed by who were: “Are we born with a purpose in life.. ?“-I don’t believe that humans are born with individual purposes set by a god.

“Do .. we live our lives and create a purpose for ourselves to have meaning?“- I believe that it has always been necessary for each individual to create his or her individual purpose and meaning in life, and to live a life congruent with one’s chosen purpose and meaning (as I proceed I’ll combine the two words, purpose & meaning, into one: meaning)). I think that it has never been more necessary to create one own’s meaning in life than it is during these times of extremism: from the extreme climate-change conditions and events (record breaking heat waves, droughts, floods, etc.) to political extremism.

In these times of extremes, choosing and creating an individual meaning for one’s individual life and living congruently with it is what it takes to become and remain sane in this world, I say. (I will continue using the first person- I- but I am talking not only about myself, but about people):

I need to see myself as just another human, one of billions (instead of seeing myself as more significant than I really am), and I need to see my any one of my current personal problems as just another problem in an ongoing list of problems, past, present and future  (instead of seeing my personal problems as more significant than they really are). In other words, I need to take myself and my personal problems less seriously.

Just because I am the main character in my own life (I am the only one in my life who is sensing, feeling and  thinking my life away), does not mean that I am the Main Character in Life, not more than one of billions of individuals (billions of individuals who do not hold very powerful political and financial positions, that is).

I need to be less attached to my imagination: just because I can imagine things working out well, even wonderfully, does not mean that I should expect things to work out well, or wonderfully. Life is not what I am able to imagine it to be. Fitting my expectations to reality instead of to my imagination will maintain my sanity.

The freedom of choice is a uniquely privilege and responsibility. There is a lot that I cannot choose (ex. climate change, politics), but whatever it is that matters to me, if I can choose- I want to choose. The more I choose, the more I live my life… my way.

In (almost) whatever situation I am in that matters to me, I want to think: what choice can I make in this situation?

A low self-esteem and shame are very much in the way of creating a meaning in life and sticking to it long-term. Therefore, I want to talk about these two thing a little:

A baby is not born into the world with a consciousness or an awareness of self vs others, therefore, a baby is not born with or without self-esteem. If the young child is regularly esteemed, he or she will get to have a high self-esteem. If the young child is not esteemed, and worse, if the child is often devalued: the child will get to have a poor self-esteem. There is no exception to the latter (to what is in bold print in this paragraph).

Dear Reader:

Jock suggested that his Purpose is “being a better, more ethical person“- what I learned is that to be a better person, a more caring, empathetic person and a more ethical person,  requires adequate mental health, and  adequate mental health requires freedom from excess shame.

As I improved (and continue to improve) my mental health, I am becoming a better and a more ethical person. I learned that the two (mental health and being a good, ethical person) go together, hand in hand.

Jock also mentioned self-respect as part of his Purpose- same thing: there can be no consistent-enough self-respect when a person falls once in a while into the painful abyss of excess shame. Same in regard to his purpose to accept (himself ) unconditionally and therefore other people“, and in regard to Tolerance for his inadequacies and for what he referred to as his past sins– excess shame is the OPPOSITE of accepting oneself; it is the opposite of tolerating one own’s (and others’) inadequacies and imperfections.

When a person suffers from excess shame, past sins remain magnified in the person’s mind, unchanged and it is therefore impossible to forgive oneself.

Jock mentioned his Purpose to “fully accept (his) current situation without self-judgement“, and “to accept future ‘current situations’“- shame and self-judgment are almost synonymous. Can’t accept myself if I am ashamed of myself.

Jock wrote: “I strive for self-honesty“- I learned that to be honest with myself, I had to gain enough mental health= to free myself from excess shame first, otherwise the brain is too tormented with shame to be able to see clearly.

I will continue later.

anita

As someone who has struggled with various circumstances for most of my life. I don’t really concern myself with purpose. My purpose at times has been to get through the day. Resolve a problem or achieve a specific goal.

I would like to get a new job. I would like to improve my health and manage my anxiety. I would like to pass my driving test.

I value kindness.

Dear who/ Reader:

My purpose has been to see more and more of what is real and to remove from my view what is not real ( false beliefs and misinterpretations). Seeing clearly what’s in front of me, I can choose actions and reactions that fit the real situation, rather than fitting a wrongly perceived situation.

I want my actions and reactions to be based primarily on courage, not on fear alone. I’d say, my purpose is courage in the face of reality.

I used to be too afraid of people, so I submitted to others, eager to please or to just stay out of the way and let my perceived superiors take charge and do as they choose. I used to believe that others knew better, that I knew the least. I used to believe that if I communicate to people that I accept my inferiority, they will like me better, saying to themselves something like: well, at least she knows that she is inferior to me. She won’t give me any trouble then, good girl!

My purpose is to never again be that kind of good girl. My purpose is to take charge of situations that require it, to no longer stay out of the way, and to no longer submit to perceived superiors.

There are lots and lots and lots of situations I have no power over. The key is to relax into these situations, to let go of the hopeless struggles to change what I cannot change. I want to remove from my brain-body any and all useless stress and distress. Why worry, feel badly and suffer when such does not benefit anyone?

Oh, it just occurred to me, that my suffering can benefit those who want me to suffer… yes, I remember my mother watching me suffer emotionally with a smile on her face: she’d say something shaming to me on purpose, so to make me suffer shame… and then she’d watch my face, eager to see her success.  But I don’t want to please people like that, people who feel good about me feeling bad.

We humans are all mentally ill and mentally healthy, different extents at different times. We all suffer the consequences of mental illness that carries on from one generation to the next and to the next. We are all direct victims of people who abuse us, and co-victims of the people who abused our abusers. It takes a lot of healing to recognize more subtle ways in which we may abuse others, subtle ways that may not earn the title abuse perhaps, but nonetheless, these are ways that are harmful and unnecessary. For example, being unnecessarily critical of others, focusing on their negatives and not on their positives.

People are naturally averse to and repelled by being criticized and judged. Simply put, to be criticized and judged feels badly, no matter if the criticism is true or false. And so, if I want to help a person, I need to not repel him or her by offering criticism and judgment. I need not interrogate and  confront the person in search of material to use as criticism. A person will be open to my help only if the person asking for help feels that I like him/ her. So first, a liking needs to be established.

I am averse to being criticized. I hate it. It makes me anxious. The only way I can be open to criticism is if I feel that the criticizer likes me, is gentle and honest and has my well-being in mind, and that he/ she is honest not only about my shortcomings but about their own.

To be powerless when abused, to not fight the abuser- that’s a terrible feeling, a terrible situation to be in. But to fight when not abused, to never relax-  is also a terrible situation. I’d say then that my purpose is to fight abusers when there is a chance that I succeed, and relax when I am not abused.

Mental and emotional progress is not linear. We have to bounce back from failures and disappointments and continue to learn, to progress, building each day’s learning and progress on top of yesterday’s.

Viktor Frankl wrote: “It is not freedom from conditions; it is freedom to take a stand toward the conditions”,  “The meaning of life is in every moment of living”.

My freedom and meaning (purpose) now is to be ethical, to say and do what’s right, to do better than yesterday, to have that peace of mind knowing that I am a good, honest person.

anita