its been very hard my ex and i have been separated for about two months ish and I keep punishing myself for everything. He was so good to me and I would constantly fight with him over dumb things. I always thought I wasn’t good enough for him and that he might’ve want someone else. I had insecure thoughts and I was so jealous and I pushed him away. He doesn’t love me anymore and I understand why I would freak out and I was needy and emotionally abusive and manipulative. I want to live a more positive and healthier life style and I’m going to counseling. I miss him so much and resent myself for sabotaging my relationship and making his life so difficult when he was going through a tough time himself. I thought about getting him back but I’m respecting his space and wishes to be single. I honestly want nothing more than for him to be happy. I guess to move forward I would like to forgive myself. A lot of the time I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy because I said and done mean things. He said he forgives me and can’t be upset with me but it doesn’t change the fact I feel terrible. How do I get out of this stronger? How do I move on?  I feel like I sound so dramatic but these thoughts have been torturing me. I really care about him and I wish I was better for him or that I got psychological help sooner, maybe I could’ve saved my relationship.

I want him and I to be friends one day. Is this a possibility? I’m waiting to feel better mentally to possibly reach out, maybe months from now. I’m afraid that he might want nothing to do with me… its all my fault its all my fault 🙁