Dear Gabriela:

Reading your post, it seems to me that you are intelligent and aware of the situation. You are realistic and you see things clearly. So I don’t know where I can attempt to shed some light (your request) because you are seeing things in the light. But I will try as I type, not knowing at the moment what it is that I will type:

You are in your mid twenties, I gather and he is too. He is and always has been kind to your son- this is a very good thing, if he is indeed a present and positively attentive father.

Of course, you need to be protected from STDs that he may have or get and pass on to you.

Also, until and if the situation resolves, better not have another child.

Now, what is it that he is doing… could be searching for stimulation, sort of an addiction of sort, that is his habit is to look for other sexual partners, the change in that habit (someone new to him) triggers him and he goes after that.

Could be something deeper. For example (and it is only an example, I have no idea, no information to go on)- could be his father was loyal to his mother and it is his mother who cheated on his father. He was so mad at his mother that he decided: I am going to be the one doing the cheating! I will not be a victim!

If you so choose, you can open a new line of communication with him (while you are sleeping in a different room, abstaining until there is a resolution, perhaps) with him. You start it by communicating to him that you accept his behavior, that you know what it is, his stimulation, his habit, his need to look for sex outside the relationship with you. Let him know that you want to examine with him the reasons so that you can get to know him better. And so that the two of you can make better choices in the future. Let him know that it is his choice, to have sex outside the relationship with you and that you respect that (I am thinking abstaining from sex with him during such experiment may be necessary).

So you make it okay for him to have sex with other women. This way he doesn’t have to hide (unsuccessfully), he feels in control, the one to choose. (Also there might be something stimulating for him to do what is not allowed, and once you allow it, it may take away from the fun of it).

I am not suggesting this as a manipulative, dishonest move on your part, but as the only possibility that I see here.

I can continue, but would like to read what you think about what I typed so far. If you’d like we can continue to “talk” abotu this.

anita

Google “Sex Addiction”. I joined this forum because 1.5 years after my divorce from my sex addict husband, I’m still trying to find solid ground again. They can be so sweet and charming, and smile while they lie to you. I don’t mean to be overly harsh, just want to be sure you are aware of this possibility.