Promiscuity, Cheating, Depression, Love

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This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by Anonymous.

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September 18, 2014 at 4:48 am #65150

Flower
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he continues to tell me that his ex messaged just after we started dating and he wonders to himself if i hadnt tricked him he could have tried again with her… I want to die.

September 19, 2014 at 9:38 pm #65251

Sim
Participant

Hey I don’t know where to begin. I wish I could just give you a hug and tell you to stop beating yourself up. Would you be this harsh and hateful to a friend who was in the same position? Yes there are things in your past which you regret (we have all done things that we wish we hadn’t) I’m not saying anything about it being right OR WRONG but you feeling this awful and punishing yourself endlessly will not help you to move forward. Your boyfriend seems to have had a positive impact on you in the sense that you feel you can continue healing and that is something that you have chosen to do to help yourself which is brave and tough yet you are willing to let this happen.

Please don’t start to self harm, I know it might feel like you’ve reached a point where this seems like it will help but it really doesn’t and you don’t need another thing to feel guilty about. If you’re feeling extreme then go and have a ICE COLD SHOWER. I haven’t been in the situation that you are with your relationship but you are being honest and open with him, you can not control how other people react or the actions that they will take. I think one of the hardest things is accepting that things may not always turn out how we’de expected them too, sometimes life just unravels in a random manner and we can’t make sense of it, its very difficult.

You do sound very depressed and therefore it is extremely important that you are kind to yourself (I know this is so hard, I have struggled too). Don’t put pressure on yourself to be a certain way or do things that are not good for you to please others, once you are feeling better you will be in a much better place to organize how you can go forward in your life. Please find a good friend or your uncle and consider seeing a doctor, just so they know how you are feeling, you have written about some sad experiences and the impact they have had on your life (I was also sexually assaulted, I’m still in the process of healing) and can greatly empathise with you. You CAN get support if this is what you want (are there rape/sexual assault services in your area?/via the doctor) and I really hope you manage to find a good counsellor who can help you work through the process.

Please if you take one thing away then at least let someone (good) know about how you feel who can help you to get some help. We all go through dark phases and its harder to get out for some of us than it is others. its nothing to feel bad for, You are special whether you believe it or not and YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY just as much as anyone else. I really hope you will find the strength within to come past the troubles you are going through. Our past however good or bad we percieve is GONE and it CAN NOT stop us from BECOMING who we want to be or taking any actions to accept ourselves.

sending you lots of love. Sim

September 22, 2014 at 4:38 am #65345

Flower
Participant

Hi,

Thank you for your kind and wonderful words.
things have moved along a little bit since last week. i have opended up more. have started a diary so that when the feelings get to much i can put them on paper (or screen) and they unjumble themselves so its not so overwelming.
i hate it when he wants to talk about it… i get sick in the stomach and want to vomit. i hate seeing pics of myself from back in the bad times. im still not comfortable to look in the mirror and i still havnt found that self love.
but i dont want to hurt myself anymore.
im trying to realise this is a slow process and im not going to reach ultimate forgiveness for some time.
im just trying to live in the present and stay positive.
i still wish i had someone to speak to that had been in the same place i was. but then again maybe i need to focus on me. i contunually compare myself to others, especially people i used to party with – they partied as much as me but they werent promiscuous, why couldnt i have been more like them.
my boyfriend tells me always how beautiful i am but i just see a used up slut.
hopefully unraveling will stop soon and we can start the slow process of winding back up

September 18, 2015 at 4:27 am #83589
randomgirl
Participant
I have similar experience and feeling exactly the same way as you do. Reply here if you saw this and we could find a way to talk. Your post is one year ago, I wonder how are you doing now. I am experiencing it now, I have a wonderful boyfriend but is very afraid to have sex because of my past. Hoping to hear from you, your depressed friend.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by randomgirl.
September 18, 2015 at 4:55 am #83591
jock
Participant
You need to start again from scratch somewhere in a completely different scenario. You need to really work hard on self-forgiveness. Make it a priority. When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you say to yourself. “I”m OK.I accept and approve of myself.”
No physically intimate relationships for a year.(my opinion)
Create a new daily pattern of good habits and some self-discipline. No need to become regimented. Be gentle with yourself. Realise that you are not the only one who has f****ed up in life. All of us have in different ways. Just we are either hiding it or are in denial.
Renewal and transformation are possible in religions such as Christianity and Buddhism I believe. These may be good options to consider.

I am trying to love and approve of myself and have some self-discipline in daily life. But there are bad days when I slip back. I try not to beat myself up. We are all struggling like you, to find true happiness. And that starts by truly forgiving yourself for past mistakes. Good on you for coming clean on this forum anyway. That should help.
Good luck.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by jock.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by jock.
September 18, 2015 at 8:37 pm #83625
randomgirl
Participant
Thank you Jack. Your words are very consoling. Similarly with Flower I also met my current boyfriend at the end of my bad period but very near. Now I am reading spiritual books from Christianity and Buddhism (started two weeks ago). My current boyfriend supported me through my one year emotional turmoil although it was hard on him too. Moving on, he wants us and the physical intimacy as a couple. But the problem is I couldn’t have the break.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by randomgirl.
September 19, 2015 at 8:12 am #83636

Anonymous
Guest

Dear randomgirl:

This may be your thread now (or ours) since Flower’s last post was almost a year ago (Flower- if you are reading, please post…) Would you like to share more of your story, randomgirl? “But the problem is I couldn’t have the break”- what do you mean?

anita
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