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Prioritizing Commitments & Overwhelmed

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  • December 27, 2016 at 12:45 pm #123727
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear hellcat:

    For the purpose of giving you my input, I have two groups of questions:

    1. Your mother is a successful career woman, you wrote. How did she manage, has it been worth for her, did you ask her what you are asking here, on this thread, and what was her answer/s?

    2. Your boyfriend: how long have you lived together? what are his feelings about the domestic issue- having home cooked meals and such? Does he cook and clean? Did you ask him for his input on the issues you brought up here, on this thread?

    anita

    December 27, 2016 at 2:52 pm #123735
    Helen
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    Thank you for your note. In response to your questions:

    1. I haven’t asked my mom much about this. To be honest, she never really kept friends or hobbies. All of her free time seemed to be spent caring for other people and now that she’s an empty nester, she gotten back into some hobbies. I might want to ask her her thoughts on this.

    2. My boyfriend doesn’t live with me. We are both young (24), and he lives at home with his mom, saving money, helping her around the house. So whenever we cook or are hanging out, it’s at my house. He definitely helps out by making the bed and doing dishes when we finish eating. Sometimes he’ll bring dinner over. He definitely doesn’t expect me to prepare meals for him, but I like to, and to be honest I’m a little self conscious about my inability to cook so I don’t draw a lot of attention to it. The biggest challenge for me is that whenever I cook, it’s a stressful day of thinking about what I can cook, finding a recipe, and shopping for every ingredient since I don’t know how to keep a stocked kitchen yet. If I scheduled time to try recipes more often, it wouldn’t be as big of the deal, and I’m trying to get to that point eventually. So I guess my feeling here is more that I want to improve in this area, but which will also be appreciated by my partner.
    I’ve asked him for input on my career and his advice is pretty risk-averse… definitely don’t quit your job until you have another job. Maybe go back to school, take the GMAT. He also has a great job, but isn’t that happy with it anymore and he’s following the same advice.
    He thinks I should quit the sports and just join a regular gym, but I don’t know if he realizes how much of a social aspect they play in my life… to him, working out is just a chore to stay in shape. For me, it’s a lifestyle that keeps me sane.

    Anita, does this help? I wonder if you might be able to comment now. To be honest, you’ve made me think that maybe I should seek my mom and boyfriend’s advice on these again!

    December 27, 2016 at 6:42 pm #123741
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear hellcat:

    Yes, your answers help me. My advice:

    Continue the Boxing Gym and the Basketball because you are an extrovert, you lack social interactions at work, and as you wrote, these “keep (you) sane.” No substitute to keeping sane!

    Regarding running and biking: you can lower the frequency of these to twice a week. From my experience, once I was in physical shape, all it took to keep myself that way was 30-45 minute aerobic exercise (I like fast walking, way less injuries!) twice a week. If you feel stressed, anxious go for a .. fast walk or bike just to relieve the tension and count it for the twice weekly count, exceed as needed for the stress relief affect.

    Regarding yoga, you can do a few stretches (and should) daily at home, child pose is excellent to prevent lower back problems as well as stretch the shoulders, downward facing dog, a couple of others of your choice. Do these after a run, or after biking, and maybe before bed time. Chest opener postures are amazing, for me, as anxiety relieving and encouraging good posture (keep a good posture driving that long commute time!)

    Regarding going out with your friends on the weekends and on weeknights with friends- let go of this activity since it’s been causing you anxiety. Instead, maybe (?) invite them all once a month or a couple of months for a basic meal, so you can practice cooking and socialize with friends, all at the same time. Or have a friend to your place for coffee or tea once in a while (it is not uncool for 24 year olds, is it?)

    Regarding your work situation and future education, job search, I have nothing for you, at this point.

    You may be wanting too much, micro-managing yourself for the aim of functional perfection. Leave some times to relax, to do nothing at all. Relax into your relationship with your boyfriend instead of worrying about being domestic while he is there.

    anita

    December 27, 2016 at 6:51 pm #123749
    Helen
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you so much for taking the time consider this and reply to me! I especially liked the idea of letting go of those nights out. Cooking for them is a FANTASTIC idea that had not crossed my mind. And coffee and tea once in a while is cool at any age in my book.

    I really appreciate your thoughts and time!

    All best,
    Helen

    December 27, 2016 at 6:56 pm #123751
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Helen. Post anytime and I will reply.
    anita

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