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Post-cancer whirlwind

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  • #91227
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wanderer:

    You do not have children, correct? You mostly feel that if you don’t leave and follow your dream, you will regret it more than if you do leave and it doesn’t work out. Then go… Be the Wanderer you wish to be. Spread your wings and fly!

    anita

    #91232
    wendy
    Participant

    Hello Wanderer!
    Your parents love you and want what’s best for you. I’m sure their concern comes from the fact that you’ve just overcome cancer and surgery….they want you to regain your equilibrium before you make a major life decision. My heart says “Fly! Do whatever you want!”….but realistically there are other things to consider: Will your relationship with your parents be destroyed if you follow your heart? Would that be OK with you? If you wait the 6 months they are asking for, will they support your decision to leave your marriage to travel and find yourself? Are you afraid to wait those 6 months because you think you’ll lose your gumption or just because you are impatient to go? I’m just hesitant to tell you to screw your folks and do what you want if they are important to you. They might know you well and have a valid argument!
    As far as your husband deciding to be nice and helpful after you’ve said you want to leave…..maybe he has realized that he just may lose you and wants to make changes. Only you know that. If so, can your marriage be fixed? Would he be ok with you doing some solo travel if you came back to him after….maybe a separation?
    If you are truly unhappy with your life and circumstances (I’ve had a small cancer so know a bit about how it makes you think) then I say go with your heart and make those life changes! You need to live an authentic life, for sure, and never stay where you are unhappy just to make other people happy. I’m just suggesting, as devil’s advocate, a few questions you might not have asked yourself. My 2¢.
    Best of luck to you and good vibes!

    #96199
    Wanderer
    Participant

    Thanks so much, Wendy! All of the questions you ask are definitely things I’ve asked myself. Ultimately, my parents will come around and get over my divorce. I suppose I don’t feel like waiting any longer because I already feel like I’ve ignored my nagging doubts about the life I’m living long enough. Perhaps if I had done the hard work of addressing them, of maybe not getting married for example, I wouldn’t be in this difficult situation. Since posting this I’ve realized I need to go. My husband and I are mulling over the idea of a separation. I told him it would be good for us both to have some time and space away from each other to really evaluate our relationship and figure out if being married is really right for us. I think the only issue with this is that my husband gets lonely very easily; yes he loves me but I truly believe he is one of those men that just wants to be with someone. I suppose my philosophy has become whatever is meant to happen will. I can’t control situations or people, only how I react to them. Thanks for your words and taking the time to give me some advice!

    #96200
    Wanderer
    Participant

    Hi Anita, Correct my husband and I have no children. I do feel like staying will leave me bitter and full of regrets in old age. Either way I will go through a period of discomfort. Leaving will at least give me the chance to be in a better situation in the end. I think it’s time to spread my little wings. Thanks for your advice!

    #96212
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wanderer:

    You are welcome and have a good flight. Spreading one’s wings and flying is such a beautiful concept. I used to dream that I was flying, spreading my wings and flying fast, and there was always more and more space to fly through, no ending. I loved it so much that I refused to believe it was only a dream. It felt so real. Freedom is a beautiful thing.

    anita

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