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People-pleasing and Conflict Avoiding

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  • #63760
    Will
    Participant

    When I see a conflict and I feel the need to intervene I try to remember that everyone involved is a grown-up, and that it is not for me to fix anybody else’s problems. I can’t, in any case, and trying just creates mental proliferation in everyone. (Or, to use a different term, it causes ‘drama’).

    When it comes to seeking approval, I have a line that’s catchy and easy to remember: “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Oh, it’s hard, for sure, but remembering that little joke helps me let go.

    Also remember that you’re not alone in seeking approval from everyone else. Everyone has insecurities and wants to be liked. In this way, you and your colleagues are in it together, all anxious, all trying to do right, all worried they’re messing up. That may make it easier to focus on dealing with your own business rather than everyone else’s.

    Work hard/good luck.

    #63766
    Little Buddha
    Participant

    Thank you Will. I really have to redefine my role at work, my views on leadership, and perhaps my role in life in general – always fixing, solving, wanting to make things better, being everyman to everyone, and what happens in the end? Drama! Nothing but mental proliferation and drama.

    I do like your little joke. I think some part of me equates not caring what other people think with being rejected and lonely, which I end up doing to myself anyway because of the energy I spend trying to please people just depletes me completely and I end up alienating myself from those who may want to love me and get close to me.

    If I don’t care what other people think, what’s is my compass? my barometer? How do I know I’m on the right path? I want my family to be proud of me. I want my bosses to approve of me. I want my colleagues to approve of me. I want my clients to approve of me. So much approval seeking, my god! It’s maddening! How else does one live if that’s the only program you know how to run?

    Thank you for helping to open my eyes to this craziness.

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