Cath

I am so sorry you are going thru this and feel so alone. My parents also split when I was a young adult while I was breaking up/making up with an abusive partner–it sucks, it hurts, and it seems all encompassing. Excellent advice to share and purge here. It was many years ago for me and I did some healthy and very unhealthy acts to get thru it. I will share some of the healthy actions.

Do something creative. Do you sew? I string beads–go to yard sales, redesign old jewelry combine them with other old pieces. Maybe you draw or have a talent you haven’t used in a while. Recycle, repurpose, dream a new dream. Write a poem, a story. look at paint colors–let them speak to you. Being creative will make you get out of your head and into your body…and stop living in the hurt, even for a little while, then a longer while.

if you do not meditate–start. if you do not exercise–start.

Years later I can tell you now I learned to relove my parents–they weren’t very lovable at the time. this may or may not happen for you.
I can tell you that I have been in other relationships and I learned from all of them. I wish I had not wasted so much time on bad partners, I wish I had been told that I deserved to be treated with respect. My parents were too busy with there own lives to tell me that and because they were raw with hurt weren’t there for me….but friends here on this site will tell you deserve to be treated well,

I am wearing a necklace I made–saw my sister yesterday, she was wearing some jewelry I made. its funky, off the wall, creative, and made with love– kind of like how I turned out, the me I was searching for years ago.

I am an older hippy chick now.. settled down near the beach with a great guy…living a simple life. I still have occasional panic but I have learned skills to help.

I wish that for you. Learning skills to help…finding your voice…get up try again.

Seaisland

Sweet Cath

I have felt that same weakness and would try again too. And get hurt, but not lonely, then realized I felt more alone because he really was a stranger–not the person who I imaginary loved.
If you know in your heart of hearts he is not good for you-try thinking of it this way. Not saying it will work for you–but it used to help me.
The person I thought he was does not exist. The heart and soul I hoped he had is really not in this person. The traits I thought this person had that I needed I will develop in myself–loyal, kind, thoughtful, a person who is there for their friends. Add strengths you admire–make them yours.

Make an affirmation say it at least once a day (I have to say it a few times) You can use mine until you make yours or forever.

“I am proud of myself today, My body and soul is strong, healthy and beautiful. I am creative and intelligent. I am kind to myself and others. I am rich in my blessings. I claim my day.”

If you feel strength knowing there are people who are thinking of you, pulling for you, saying prayers or affirmations–take a deep breath and feel better.

Seaisland

Dear cath:

When you talked to your ex, what does he say? What do you say? What was that last conversation about?

anita

cath

Do you believe that he has hurt you enough? Do you believe if you go back for more-you will hurt more?

I care
Seaisland

Dear cath:

It seems like it is over, whatever the full extent of the story, isn’t it? There was a possibility at one point but you chose your job in your hometown and he chose to stay in this town. You feel emptiness, loneliness. When you lived with him you were not so lonely but you were troubled by his connection to his ex girlfriend and sometimes he was not nice to you and that hurt.

Now you are away from those hurts and from seeing him on the computer communicating with his ex girlfriend… Since you are away from him now, since it is over, at least take advantage of the freedom from his behaviors that you didn’t like.

I tend to think that if your relationship with him was wonderful, that you would have gone back to him after he found a job and was able to sustain you. There were problems there. Only now you are so lonely and feel so much emptiness, you forget how much you were troubled when you lived with him and when the relationship was ongoing.

Do you feel this way? That because you are so lonely, you forget how badly it often was and you only remember the good times?

Try to see the whole picture, include everything in your memory of what was. Nostalgia is remembering only the positive and forgetting the negative. Remember everything. It wasn’t … that good.

See the loneliness for what it is. It is not the end of your world… it only feels like it sometimes, doesn’t it?

Take care of yourself, cath, write anytime.

anita