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Panic attacks

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  • February 25, 2014 at 9:12 am #51722
    Valleyrose
    Participant

    In the past 2 years I have been involved in two relationships which to be frank left me paralysed with anxiety and fear, to the point of visiting my doctor a few weeks ago and asking for help. In the end rather than take pills I managed to get out of the last of the two relationships and my anxiety levels have dropped right back. I feel so much better.

    The relationships were both ones which were totally unsuitable with people who did not really care about my well-being and I am now spending some time alone rebuilding my confidence and learning to love myself. I have also vowed to myself that I will never again get involved with someone who simply doesnt make the effort.

    All good you say and yes it is. But if I find myself in a situation where contact is necessary with these people, I get very anxious. I associate them with the horrible way I felt when I was with them. My heart beats fast and I can hardly breathe, and as I suffer from IBS I get a attack of that too.

    Whilst I can avoid one of the people it is possible I cant avoid the other. I know she can do nothing to harm me so logically there is no reason why I should feel like this. Does anyone have any tips as to how I can stop associating these people with the anxiety I had when I was with them? Thanks

    February 25, 2014 at 9:25 am #51723
    Will
    Participant

    You could try to do whatever relaxation exercises you do to feel really calm and secure, and then bringing this person to mind. Try not to get involved in your inner narrative about things they did or said or what you should do or whatever. Just imagine a really simple interaction. Just saying hello, how are you. Probably imagining it will make you a little more nervous. When you feel nervous, drop the fantasy and go back to breathing or imagining light or whatever you do, until you feel calm again.

    Rehearse just saying hello to them, in your mind, over and over, until it’s boring. You can also remind yourself you will handle this one way or another, that they have no power over you anymore, that you’re not going to get hurt, and that you’re doing better than you were.

    Congratulations on getting out of a relationship that wasn’t working and getting a handle on your anxiety. You’re doing well. Keep climbing.

    February 25, 2014 at 12:56 pm #51738
    Sage
    Participant

    Hi V,

    Sorry to hear you’re experiencing this anxiety. It sounds like you’re very aware that these relationships weren’t healthy for you and made a change for the better. Congrats on taking those steps and for reaching out to this supportive community.

    What I’ve noticed is sometimes when I have a reaction to a situation or a person that doesn’t make sense or seems overly emotional I discover that I’m reacting to a deeper hurt from my past rather than what’s happening now. This seems to happen in love relationships that trigger our pain more often. Once I make the connection of similarities between the current and the past, I can put the situation in better perspective and look at the reality of the issue. Also work on releasing any negative emotion or pain from the past that’s I’m still carry around, unbeknownst to me. In doing so, the experience becomes a positive one by showing me where healing still needs to occur.

    Hope this is helpful.
    S

    February 25, 2014 at 12:57 pm #51739
    Valleyrose
    Participant

    Thank you for the encouraging words and advice. I have a long way to go or these people would not be affecting me like they are even if they dont mean to.

    Keep looking forwards x

    February 25, 2014 at 1:10 pm #51740
    Valleyrose
    Participant

    I think its association. I was so anxious when I was with them that they have come to symbolise anxiety for me.

    February 25, 2014 at 1:53 pm #51742
    Sage
    Participant

    Maybe you have a long way to go or just maybe you are on the verge of a breakthrough. Consider exploring why you experienced so much anxiety in the relationship and hang in there!! We are all a work in progress 🙂

    February 25, 2014 at 1:58 pm #51743
    Valleyrose
    Participant

    I know the source of the anxiety – with both people. With them I felt very unsafe, insecure, unsure of my place in their lives, unwanted.

    February 25, 2014 at 1:59 pm #51744
    Valleyrose
    Participant

    I guess I need to get to a place where I feel safe and secure in myself – a place where I am unshakeable and that noone can dislodge me from.

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