Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Pain Identity: Am I alone?
- This topic has 10 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 10 months ago by
Matt.
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July 4, 2013 at 8:10 pm #38005
MattParticipantGraham,
Goodness, what a mind you have! It is awesome and potent, which is a blessing and a curse. Consider reading “cutting through spiritual materialism” by chogyam trungpa, it has helped others who have issues like yours.
Sometimes the arrow just has to yanked out directly, but it can be painful. Shame is an interesting feeling. Something in us tells us that we are unworthy of connection to others because we are so broken. We have a feeling that we don’t deserve happiness, or a connection to love, energy, joy. To me, it seems like this is a good place to direct your potent awareness.
Consider that shame and pride arise together in our crown chakra and cut us off from the big picture. When we see an “unworthy bastard” we are splitting off a chunk of the infinite in our mind. “That is not god/Buddha/truth/love, that is a jerk/idiot/asshole” when we do that to the objective world around us, we are saying “we are not one, you are below me.” When we experience that same lack of acceptance inside, we feel shame. “I am not god/Buddha/truth/love, I am a broken, worthless being.”
Maybe you are smart enough to realize you’re not happy? And that happiness and peace of mind is something you’ve been obsessed with finding? Do you know how many of those “fallen idiots” have waaay more of what you seek than you do? Maybe its disguised envy? Either way, do you think your judgment is based on firm ground?
Notice how your mind reacts to such things? It is possible to experience humility instead. You, me, and everyone else are born ignorant, with everything to learn. You’ve been judging others and the structure of the world from pride, then judging yourself and your structures from shame.
You said you have begun to notice thoughts, which is great! Perhaps you could add a lovong-kindness practice as well. “Breathing in, I look deeply at my hope that there is something beautiful inside each of us. Breathing out, I wish to use what I’ve learned to help awaken that in myself and others.”
Said differently, perhaps you’re experiencing emptiness sickness from having a a strong vision but a weak heart. It is easy to see, but more difficult to love. Dont take my word on it, just try it. A simple breathing exercise for 15 mins a day for two weeks and the results should be fairly noticeable and provide relief.
With warmth,
MattJuly 5, 2013 at 6:16 am #38010
AnonymousInactive@Matt Very well put! 🙂
@Graham If this isn’t the best example of a monkey mind, I don’t know what is! Matt already suggested “Cutting through Spiritual Materialism,” but I’ll also recommend “Turning Your Mind Into an Ally” by Trungpa’s son, Sakyong Mipham. As with all modern monkey minds, the best way to find equanimity is to meditate, meditate, meditate.July 5, 2013 at 12:58 pm #38023
GrahamParticipant@Matt. Thanks for your reply. Could you please clarify this?
You said: “Sometimes the arrow just has to yanked out directly, but it can be painful.” What arrow? I understand you’re aiming at a metaphor of some kind but I can’t for the life of me puzzle it out. If you could help me to see the arrow, I’d more than happily pull it out – pain be damned. I can’t figure out what to grab hold of to yank, nor how to – metaphorically – yank it out.
@Peter Thanks to you, as well.July 5, 2013 at 2:47 pm #38027MattParticipantGraham,
No, that is not available to you.
With warmth,
MattJuly 5, 2013 at 4:04 pm #38033GrahamParticipantum…… thanks?
with confusion,
GrahamJuly 5, 2013 at 5:13 pm #38034MattParticipantGraham,
Yes, of course. That was my best aim, do you see the arrow?
With warmth,
MattJuly 5, 2013 at 5:17 pm #38035GrahamParticipantNope. And now I (am making myself) feel stupid.
July 5, 2013 at 5:20 pm #38036MattParticipantWell, that’s pretty close. That’s the “blood” from it.
July 5, 2013 at 5:37 pm #38037GrahamParticipantPeoples opinions?
July 5, 2013 at 6:12 pm #38039MattParticipantPeoples opinions are just that, a view. Its more like a clenching or grasping at the view. Mine, yours, theirs…
In reality, they come up and go. Your pain. Your dad. My words. They hold meaning as they are pathways to truth, but they are as transient as we let them be, and as confusing as we make them. Tension to relief to tension to relief. Your condemnation fuels it! Said differently, the bounce is fueled by karma and we suffer. You, me and all of them have the same ability, but struggle with the same clenching in various ways. When we judge instead of unclench, we remain deluded, isolated, spinning.
There isn’t an exit from the maze, we learn to drop the maze.
With warmth,
Matt -
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