Dear Anonymous03:

Good to read back from you. I was exposed to covid recently but experienced no symptoms so far, except maybe extremely mild ones earlier. Since we communicated last, we had lots of snow here, the roads were not drivable through much of the few weeks of the heavy snow. The snow is almost all melted by now, just a few patches of old, dirty snow, here and there.

Too bad the company you work for no longer makes it possible for you to visit tiny buddha without the threat of losing your job.

You shared that Lily was spayed and is fine, that your “self-care habits had been disrupted due to the holidays last month“, that you’ve “been feeling seriously low on (your) self-esteem“, that you are making some changes trying to improve your career, and “can’t afford hitting a low now“, that you got back together with your ex with whom you broke up in March 2021, and “so far so good“.

“My anxiety makes it so difficult for me that it has taken me years to take any steps for my professional growth. I’d love some more insight. So, I will start another thread” -you can start a new thread, but you don’t have to. I just looked through your previous threads and we talked a lot about a lot of things, plenty of insight, information and advice. Maybe it will help you to re-read our previous communication, take notes (?)

In regard to lowering your anxiety at this time, so that you can move your professional life forward, what comes to my mind is the following: (1) Resume your self-care practices, (2) When you are home, cuddle with Lily, pet her, find comfort in her physical presence, and tell her hello for me! (3) It would have helped a whole lot if you didn’t live with your mother, and if you were not otherwise exposed to her, keep that in mind.

(4) Stop scolding yourself, and whenever you feel guilty in regard to your mother, tell yourself that you are not guilty! (“Growing up, I did get scolded a lot, sometimes for doing things that weren’t even wrong“, January 2021, “I genuinely am feeling guilty majority of the times, which I think contributes to my anxiety. I’m scolding myself mentally all the time, and I can’t seem to stop“, April 2021).

(5) Communicate well with your boyfriend, make the relationship a win-win relationship and find comfort in it, (6) Every morning when you wake up, set the intent to not expect anything, good or bad, from the day; instead, form the desire to find some interest in the day, something (anything) positively interesting to look forward to,

And (7) Post here- or in a new thread, if you so choose, anytime- outside your work hours, of course!

anita

Dear anonymous03:

Being exposed to Covid did not cause me any symptoms really, so no need to be so sad…

“I want to start a new thread because then I get the insights of others as well” – I didn’t think about the benefit of communicating with others on a new thread. If you start a new thread, I will not reply to you there. You and I can keep communicating on this thread, and hopefully others will feel more comfortable replying to you on a new thread. It’s been pretty slow on the forums though.

“If I am successful in this, touch wood, I will be moving out of my house” – this is good to read and quite exciting!!!

“My therapist… literally warned me, saying that I have to let go of the guilt because I am doing nothing wrong. Have done nothing wrong. She said if I do not let go of the guilt, I’m setting myself up for serious depression in the future” – I like your therapist!

“My boyfriend is amazing, and I’m really grateful for him being in my life. Yes, I do need to communicate better. We just had a fight an hour ago. Tell me, do past relationships have an impact on the current one?” – good to read that he is amazing and understanding! As to your question: I found out long ago that romantic relationships are less affected by prior romantic relationships than by a person’s childhood relationships with one’s parents. In other words, your relationship with your mother has a lot of power, unfortunately, over your romantic relationships.

I will be glad to help you to communicate better with your boyfriend, if I can, and avoid future fights (Don’t fight!!!)

“I do tend to put a lot of pressure on myself… I also tend to get very overwhelmed, which spikes my anxiety. So, I set very small goals for myself each day, instead of looking at the big picture” – one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time: one task at a time, everything in small portions of time and work, thought and feeling.

I like how you responded to each part of my numbered advice items. About snow, you’ve never seen snow. I bet you’ll enjoy it the first time you see it, touch it, maybe throw snowballs at your boyfriend (playfully, that is, not as part of a real fight!)

anita