Dear Jade:

I think you and your mother should attend a relationship psychotherapy to learn there interpersonal skills. Your mother needs to learn those no less than you, that is for sure.

Suggest to her to attend such therapy. Some counseling so she can be taught how to interact with her and some basic parenting skills for teenagers.

anita

Jade,

My sympathies. It must be hard to live in such a controlled environment. Like Juanita said, you’ll have to deal with the restrictions and tough it out. After all, it is their house and they are providing for you. I’m 20 and still live at home with my parents. And while it isn’t easy, it’s my only option if I want to be able to go to school full time without having to worry about rent and bills. Since I do not work, I don’t help with the bills. However, I do have restrictions, as in a curfew, no TV after 10 pm in my room, I have to do all of the chores 3 days of the week, and I have to help out with my younger brother who is 8. It’s not easy because I don’t always agree with the things they make me do, but I tough it out because they are doing me a great favor. Things could be worse.

Your parents care about you and it is great that they look after you, but not too such an extreme. Trying cooking them dinner, washing the car, or something else that is simple (and your mom doesn’t think is dangerous or harmful) that could show your parents that you are responsible. Otherwise they’ll keep on babying you.

It’s interesting that your mom does everything for you. Most teenagers would complain about all the chores their parents make them do. So perhaps your mom is doing everything her parents didn’t do with her? Just a wild guess. Otherwise why go to such extremes?

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Aislynn.

Hello Jade,

I can understand the frustration I can hear coming from not being able to be do things on your own or for decisions for yourself. I have a very similar mother who I can recall in my teenage years would like you wake me up at 8am or so, and then rush through my entire routine of getting ready because she was already ready downstairs. When we went out to restaurants especially I remember having to match their speed of eating because they had wanted to eat and leave as soon as possible.

Like the many who said before me, your mother loves you and really cares about you and I can definitely tell that any argumentative response would only tighten the reins even further then they already are. The best way I can tell you
to handle a mother like that is to begin to do more for yourself. I understand that she is cleaning your room, laundry, etc. but
like the other said you can set boundaries to this or even clean it before your mother could even get to it . Listen to your mother attentively for a little bit at time, when she’s in a good mood with you could try asking for things such as your license or doing your chores. If she says no, rinse and repeat. 🙂