The old adage “perception is reality” is completely true. I believe insecurity is the root of what you present. Always assuming the worse, instead of letting what will be, simply be. Recognizing it for what it is, and dealing with it appropriately when required.

I too have allowed myself to be crippled with paralyzing fear, paranoia, worry and doubt. Usually the situation I so fear never materializes, or an attempt on my behalf to sway the outcome to prevent what it is I fear, usually develops the self fulfilling prophecy.

Understanding it occurs, does not keep it from happening. However seeing it for what it is in the throws allows me to center myself, relax in the knowledge its an episode, I make no actions or decisions in result and let it pass. Its the best way Ive learned to deal with it.

I like this and can relate 100%. However, I have had a lot of trouble actually doing this (or feeling as though I had) for more than a couple months at a time. Could you identify some of the things that have helped you maintain an attitude like this?

Excellent advice, Chad. I needed to read this right now.

And April, I too grew up with major criticism and rejection from my family. I’m 37 and still suffer from the insecurities that being rejected has created. For most of my life I hid from myself in relationships. I was never happy in relationships, either, because I was still not accepting myself. It’s major hard work to get through it, but keep trying, keep working. Even if it takes a life time, it’s worth it if for a few seconds of your day to see yourself as you truly are, without the labels and perceived flaws.

When I was more determined and working hard to eliminate the awful thoughts, I was practicing focusing on the good. If it’s not good and full of life’s true beauty, I took my focus away from it. After a few days of practicing focusing on the pretty flower, the kind person, the one thing you might love about yourself, it will get easier, and easier… Check out the book/audiobook ‘Hardwiring Happiness’. It’s a neurological perspective on happiness and acceptance and really helped me to see why I have the patterns I do.

When I stop hating myself and procrastinating with practicing focusing on the good, like I’ve been doing for the past month, I’ll get back to my place of contentment and self-acceptance. I’ve been lazy and now I’m suffering for it. For some reason, after working hard and seeing results, I get into a space where I think it shouldn’t be such hard work and happiness and self-acceptance should just come naturally, but it doesn’t. It takes mindfulness and hardwork to re-wire the brain! But I still encourage others who suffer as I do to try it! Meditation and practice.

Sending love and acceptance to you and hope you can find your peace and beauty to love and accept yourself!

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by sandy.