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On Guilt and Innocence:

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  • November 30, 2015 at 5:56 am #88541
    Anonymous
    Guest

    A child is born innocence, loving and lovable throughout. Often enough, unfortunately, many children are not truly loved by their parents. The unloved child’s mind cannot tolerate the fact that his/ her parents are unloving, and that there is nothing the child can do to change this fact, so the child takes on the blame for being unloved, believing he/she is unlovable, bad, faulty, guilty…and therefore if he/ she changes, becomes good, then he/she will be loved (This is the HOPE in this distortion).

    The reason why an adult who was unloved as a child needs to go back to the past is so to hand the guilt back to the parents, where the guilt belongs; to realize they were indeed unloving, faulty and guilty as parents, and in so doing FREE that child held there hostage to false belief, take back that innocence.

    anita

    November 30, 2015 at 2:11 pm #88560
    Saiisha
    Participant

    Sad but true, for many many children! As well, there are many children who are loved and looked after, and might still grow up to be not-so-nice human beings. The journey to return to our true selves, (despite / because of our parents) needs to happen for all of us, or so I believe.

    December 1, 2015 at 2:43 am #88617
    myfanwy
    Participant

    It wasnt until my daughters were growing up that I realised I had been brought up by a dysfunctional mother.I am an only child, so as a child I had no base line on which to know right from wrong. My awakening has been well into adulthood and through loving my children unconditionally and not owning them but treating them with respect and individuality and support for their own choices that my mothers nasty tongue and manipulation was cruel. It has affected me greatly in adult relationships I now realise. I am reflecting and researching to aid my recovery and develop into a more healthy person.The challenge has begun.

    December 1, 2015 at 5:28 am #88622
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I agree Anita. I blame my ex GF’s mother for abandoning her as a child emotionally. I am disgusted! I found out through my ex GF’s little sister about how horrible and cold their mother was while growing up. I will never forgive that woman for what she did to my EX. Having all these children and couldn’t even give them the proper love, attention and affection. Sickening.

    December 1, 2015 at 9:12 am #88631
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear myfanwy:

    It has been and is an amazing process for me. I knew a lot was wrong the whole time, as a child and throughout my adulthood and yet I didn’t really know. I doubted myself, was conflicted: what was real was not clear to me. Moments of clarity were always followed by doubt and guilt. If I can help you in your challenge (I too had a very, very dysfunctional mother)- let me know. A new thread perhaps, or here.

    Dear ElleTinker:

    Yes, isn’t it amazing? What your ex’s mother did to her, you suffered from. When a person harms another, they harm anyone who happens to love the one hurt. And so it goes… incredible but happens every day, everywhere. Unfortunate!

    anita

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