Dear thirst_of_validation:

You shared that indeed, you suffered “betrayal and broken promises from my younger-self”, that like I wrote to you earlier, someone in your childhood, “maybe a parent.. broke promises to you and betrayed your trust”. As a result of the betrayal you experienced as a child, you felt, as a child, hurt and rage and hope that the one/s who betrayed you will correct his/ her behavior.

If I understand correctly, you don’t want to think about, remember and face the betrayal you experienced as a child. But the hurt, rage and hope you felt as a child, when betrayed, did not disappear just because you don’t want to think about what happened then. This hurt, rage and hope awakens in your adult life when you are neglected or ignored by someone, and when someone’s behavior does not fit with their words (“that’s coming out in the wide open when I expect the kind of trust and attention and never get it”).

You then suggested/ asked: “maybe he is not the actual issue but a mirror showing me I need to deal with those feelings, not run away from them?”-

– yes, I agree. The more you run away from your feelings, the more your feelings will chase you and make themselves known to you. If you stop running away from your feelings, turn around and face them, and accept them as valid and understandable, your hurt will lessen, your rage will lessen and lessen, and you will not longer  hope that people who proved to you that they do  not deserve your trust- >change and finally keep their word,  and give you the attention that you need.

But facing such powerful emotions is not easy to do, and you may need the help of a competent, quality psychotherapist to do so.

I am sorry to read you were very sick with the flu at the end of last year, and that you were therefore physically and emotionally weak when this man entered your life. You asked me if I can “suggest something that will make me feel strong again from within”-

– I was betrayed too, as a child, and I  personally know the massive hurt and rage that result from being a betrayed child. I also know the hope that the one who betrayed us will change and be good to us. I know hoping and waiting, and waiting and hoping for this change, and getting angry when it doesn’t happen. I also know, from personal experience, how different people in our lives awaken those feelings, opening up those emotional wounds within us, wounds that bleed and hurt again and again.

Because I faced my childhood betrayal (a process that took a long time), the emotional wound within me is smaller than it used to be, it doesn’t hurt like it did before, I am way less reactive to people who ignore me, or people I think are ignoring me. I am finally free enough to see people as they are, instead of seeing them as the person in  my childhood who betrayed me.

If you want, you can share with me about your childhood betrayal, but only if you want to and if you feel capable of doing so. But it would be best to share about this in the private, confidential context of quality psychotherapy.

anita