My indulging belief: live with absolute pursuit of what makes you happy. For me, however, it is fortunately and unfortunately ALL of life. I absolutely love all of it; the entire experience. I am excited to be exposed to something new each and every day and I find joy and bliss in all that I am allowed to leisurely pursue (which is EVERYTHING and ANYTHING!). I apologize for my excessive enthusiasm (if it can be sensed through this writing,at least) but I get overjoyed when talking about life.

And another apology for my deviation. To answer you I will share a quote you’ve probably read on the internet: Don’t find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love because you don’t force yourself to fall, you just fall. A bit corny but I believe in these words. Live your life out simply and if love is supposed to be part of your life then it will find you. 🙂

With Love,
Al

In a past post you mentioned. Not feeling worthy of having a relationship or something to that effect. Do you still feel the same now?

I can relate to how you feel, my self confidence is at an all time low after my break up. I had dated my supposed “soul mate” for 8 years and she completely changed her entire life and outlook the last year of the relationship, I had began to think that I was the cause of her change because it was so radical. she became a completely different person, I felt like I was living with a stranger. I never felt so alone and helpless, then she casually broke up with me, it was like she was talking about a old pair of jeans that she decided to toss in the trash. My world crumbled, was the last 8 years of my life with this supposed “soul mate of mine a lie? a huge waste of my energy love and soul? I’m in the process of slowly moving out of state as we share an apartment and I’m ready to leave her and put her behind me. But is Very hard after 8 years of memories mostly good. right now I’m feeling that I will never find anyone to love like that again, that who would ever know me like she did, why would I open myself to that kind of pain again? I’m trying to put her in a small box and put that box on a shelf in a tiny corner of my mind. Easier said than done, I’m trying to reconnect with myself because over the years I had to put my desires and wants aside for the relationship. right now I have no idea what my passions are or who I am with out her.
and this is what I have to rediscover before I can open my heart to someone else. My heart comes first is it selfish? every time I go out I keep seeing couples in love what I had not to long ago. Now I’m alone and wondering if I’m going to die a lonely man. All my positive thinking and work is ruined by one stray thought.
I can completely sympathize with you and my heart goes out to you as we share a similar pain. what helps me is knowing that we are not alone and we can come to this site and support each other, we are complete strangers here but share a common pain and we can take comfort and support each other and know that someone is there for us. Stay positive and strong Straight No Chaser.

@StraightNoChaser Great response.

I’d like to start with the last part. Husband material , partner, best friend, honest, good father, hardworking, loyal. All good qualities. Also the type of person who should be able to handle you as you say.

My suggestion, be yourself, it feels good, and if someone can’t handle you, then they are not husband material and not worth your time.

If a person is just using you then that also is a deal breaker and they are not husband material. You kind of know when it’s happening, so once you realize it you may want to move on.

You used some very harsh words for yourself. I dated a girl who thought of herself that way and did some self destructive things to prove herself right. In particular she considered herself a whore because she slept with three guys in one night. There is a name for a guy who does something like that “Awesome”.

I don’t believe men should be lauded for promiscuous behavior but I also don’t think women should get a bad wrap for it either. Whatever you do or have done it’s fine no need to judge. The girl I dated who told me about the three guys in one night, I don’t think any less of her, she is really great, she happens to regret it but even if she didn’t who cares. Some guys may care and some guys won’t. Date the guys who don’t judge you for whatever behavior you think made you feel like calling yourself a whore.

And most importantly don’t judge yourself. I think you did the best with whatever state of mind and circumstances were going on at the time.

By the way, what lies do you tell yourself?

@Straightnochaser said:
. I feel no better than a whore at times. I feel like no guy wants to marry a whore. a wife would be pure and innocent. I feel ashamed. I feel unworthy of love. I feel like guys can use me until the real thing comes along.

Ahhh this line made me flail a little, because I have a friend who is an actual literal whore (aka a sex worker) and let me tell you, she is a delightful and intelligent woman with a hilarious boyfriend who loves her very much… Personally, any man who judges me for how many/how often I sleep with other people is not worth my time. A real man accepts that we all have complex pasts and that numbers don’t matter.

My friend, why shouldn’t whores deserve partners who respect and adore them? And if they do, so of course you do too! If finding the right person means focusing on being the very best version of you for a while, then do it! I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years now and I STILL think I was the better version of myself when I was single (I was a little more brazen, a little less soft) so don’t feel like being in a relationship is what it’ll take to make you feel peaceful and complete. There are other ways!