It’s been a while since I was last on this forum (must have been about 2 years now)

Brief context – I’ve posted a few years ago about my narcissistic older sister, coming to realise that she was just a toxic person and I just felt on edge around her. I even refused to go to her wedding after I confronted her about her behaviour (denied everything and twisted/projected back onto me) and I’m glad I did – she expected the family and her friends to fork out a lot of money just to fly from England to the USA to watch her get married and she was absolutely vile to everybody. She had another wedding reception back in the UK a few months after, I refused to go to that as well but that was the turning point where I made it abundantly clear I wasn’t going to put up with her crap anymore.

I’ve worked harder than I ever have these past few years and it paid off – I’m not saying this with arrogance but I’m proud of myself for what I’ve done. I went back to school, got my Masters and then I went abroad after getting accepted onto an internship. The company hired me after and I’m pleased to say I am now working, doing something I absolutely love, I’m living in a new country and living independently for the first time in my adult life. That’s not to say I still don’t have my fair share of problems (still get bogged down with impostor syndrome and anxiety, COVID situation the past few months has been awful) but my situation and outlook is a lot better than it was when I first joined this forum.

And yet my sister is trying to worm her way back in to my life. When she found out I left in the first place, she threw a strop – “Well nobody told me he had gone” (I just didn’t want her to know) and she came up with the same crap when I flew back for Christmas “Nobody told me he was back” (this is from somebody who used to exclude me from a lot of stuff as well). The first time around, my mom gave her my phone number (even though I had specifically told everybody not to give her my number) but I  just ended up blocking her (she also kept trying to ring me up when I was at work). The first time I came back to visit everyone else, she angrily demanded to know why I wasn’t responding to her messages (I just pretended that WhatsApp was glitching).

The worst part about it is now she’s trying to drag her children into this as well – “The kids don’t even remember their uncle anymore because he doesn’t stay in touch” (They clearly DID remember me when I went to see them over Christmas). She was extremely angry about the fact I was back for Christmas and nobody had told her to the point where she was giving  my younger sister a hard time about it, and had reduced her to tears.

I’ve since gotten a new phone and a local number in my new country and periodically I get messages from my mom telling me that “she misses me and she wants my number”. I made it clear she is NOT to have my number but my mom is still pestering me about it and it’s beginning to feel like harassment now. She recently gave birth to another child  (don’t get me wrong, I love the kids and a new child is always great news) but still insisted on having my number. I just told my mom to pass on a message of congratulations but I don’t want anything more to do with my sister. I’m not giving her another window of opportunity into my life so that she can just treat me like she used to again. I’ve worked really hard over the past few years to get where I am now (to build up my self-worth and my career prospects) and I’m not going to let her drag me down again.

What should I do about the fact she’s indirectly pestering me into talking to her when I don’t want her in my life? Am I in the wrong for setting this boundary? I’ve got enough on my plate at the moment, being on edge the past few months thanks to the virus  situation. I can’t even talk to my parents about anything – they just tell me “Oh just come home” – every time I have experienced some slight difficulty, it’s just “Oh just come home” – almost like they want me to give up this new life. They don’t even want to talk about my problems or address them, it’s just “Oh just come home if you’re finding things difficult”. They don’t want to talk about how I feel about my sister, they just make excuses to justify her crappy behaviour “Oh  that’s just how she is”

I feel bad for saying this but I’m happy where I am now, living independently and away from them. I put everything into my work because I don’t want to go back and I don’t want things to go back to how they were. Still healing from a lot of their crap and trauma over the past 29 years.