Dear starryskies:
You are very welcome and thank you for your offer. Here is my comment regarding a sentence you wrote in your post before last: “It happens when I feel happy and care free- I start to worry and think that I don’t deserve to be happy because of what I did”.
What happens is that you have a belief, a core belief, one formed early in your life, that you are a bad person, and so, you don’t deserve to be happy. There is much distress in this core belief.
This core belief and the distress involved in it was formed before the incident, the “what I did”. Your logical brain is stuck in that incident as the proof or the evidence that you are a bad person.
Healing will need to include you exploring this core belief in the circumstances it was formed- who made you falsely believe that you are a bad person, basically. If you would like to explore it here some, please do. Anytime.
anita