Obsessing over the past to the point its no longer the truth

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This topic has 16 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 10 months ago by sojourner.

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May 24, 2014 at 1:04 pm #57237
MayraLuna
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@Tinyzebra so glad you’ve been doing better!

I totally broke down yesterday. I’ve been meaning to write a post for feedback… but then I go into moments of denial and blind hope… thinking that he’ll come to my doorstep and say he’s an idiot and that he doesn’t want to lose me. That’s just fantasy, I know, but why do i hold on to hope for someone whose clearly hurt me and will probably continue to hurt me more?

I am so sad at times and while I try my best to snap out of it, it is not a matter of “snapping out of it” and I realize that I should dwell a little, because it is all part of the process. While I have dated plenty, I have not loved as I have this one. It has only been 3 weeks, and its still so fresh, but I can see myself moving forward and loving again! I need to enjoy this city that I’m in… i went from L.A., (where i had lost hope of dating cause i had my fair share of idiots, but it was me attracting this type of guy)… to a new city.. S.F. where there are infinite opportunities to attract what I want and what I deserve.. I am just going to “enjoy” this process… (the word enjoy sounds awful), but I really am going to just feel this whole thing out… get it out of my system, and learn from it. I have so much love to offer and so deserving of it being reciprocated… that’s what I am focused on now. I have made wonderful friends out here, but I have this thing about depending on people… I don’t want to depend on anyone else to make me happy…. I want to tap into that from within… and this journey has been very lonely… I have been able to seek advice and help from friends (who are all over the country) and some who are here… I find that more than anything, I appreciate their perspective and willingness to listen. I am all alone to reflect over this holiday, and It kinda makes me sad… last year on memorial weekend was one of our getaways, and it was such a beautiful time… I need to stop living in the past….

Anyway, @tinyzebra, i’d love to see how your progress is going, it gives me hope… 🙂
- This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by MayraLuna.
May 24, 2014 at 9:29 pm #57248

sojourner
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Peace to you all…we transfer onto people the hopes and expectations that we want. We fall in love, many times, with someone who doesn’t even exist. When someone tells us goodbye or rejects us, we STILL are in love with the person that doesn’t exist, even though it looks like him/her, sounds like him/her…they are a construct of our hearts.

I asked my therapist, how long will I feel like this? She said it will take as long as it takes. You wouldn’t pick up a wounded bird and keep pulling on the broken wing asking, are you healed yet? Give yourself time, compassion, sleep, good food, some exercise…grief takes as long as grief takes. Don’t hold those tears in either…over time, you will get tired of it and gradually start to feel better.

I promise. We all promise. It’s so ironic we’ve all been there too…I get the feeling we here on the forum would never do that to each other!

With love, you are in my prayers.
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