could it be said that it was your anxiety and non-acceptance of the situation that caused the split? and now you are realising what you have given up? The reason you may only be remembering the good things could show you how ‘un-real’ anxiety actually is in the reality of it all.

you have time to yourself now and can work on re-setting yourself and looking at things from a far. Once settled can you try again and accept the situation? which will probably release some anxiety. Is being with him in a less than perfect way better than not being with him at all? Is giving it another 6 months to be in this situation again the worst thing that could happen?

Did the relationship not match your perception’s of what made you feel secure and therefore you were reacting on the back of your vulnerabilities?

You sound like you may have acted in a way that I am currently battling with, The relationship not having all that I perceive to need to make me feel secure! and I today I have decided it is living with my vulnerability that is the issue here. Accepting that and deciding to go with it and bear all actually feels liberating. Just some ‘food for thought’ here.

#Peace

Hello

Sounds like you’ve been going through something very similar to me so I’ll share what I’ve learnt/am learning still.

As hard as we try to make the best of every relationship we can’t always do so. I to was in a 6 month ‘sort of relationship’ with someone who had been hurt before and wasn’t sure about committing. Eventually she did for a few months and said it was what she really wanted before changing her mind further down the line.

The point is that I gave it everything and came out empty handed and it sounds like you’re almost doing the same, you miss him like crazy and you want to be with him.

You’re remembering nice times because there are nice times and you did have a good time. Cherish those.

As much as it hurts what you had is over and if someone isn’t ready to give more of themselves then you require then unfortunately it’s nothing that be fixed.

You’ll be trying to show how great you are to make them change their minds. But we’re stubborn 🙂 and we can’t always get what we want as much as it pains the inner child in all of us.

Be strong and just think that all of this happens for a reason – even if you can’t see it now you will be ok.

Hi Tinyzebra,

I really get this conversation – how hard it is to let go. For what it’s worth you are doing well hanging in there day by day. Eventually it will be easier. I’m two plus months out and getting to the point where I don’t want to do this anymore. Moving on becomes easier. Thank you for posting and also for Michael’s reply, which helps to get the perspectives of it all.

Big blue

@tinyzebra – it’s certainly common to think that way – I assume so at least as it’s what I’m doing as well 🙂

You’re ahead of me in terms of where you are as you know you deserve more – I still don’t see the point and think she’s perfect for me.

It can be very hard to deal with the loss of anything and this is certainly one of those things so don’t feel like you’re in the wrong for feeling sad – accept that it’s horrible and try and find other positives to spin whilst you heal

Hey Tinyzebra,

Going through the same… very much the same… only we were together for about a year and a half. It was long distance at first, and things were wonderful when we would see each other, (about 2 weekends a month) and when I moved closer, (not necessarily to be with him, but for school..) things were good at first, but I realized since I was in a new city, I depended on him a lot, I was so vulnerable and homesick that I think it turned him off. He goes through bouts of darkness, as do I, but I think his is worse. I at least do what i can to work on myself, (meditate, write, etc)… and he holds it in and it creates a monster out of him at times. I never wanted to change him, he is a strong person, but when he goes through that darkness, no one can take him out of it, certainly not me. I had already accepted him, with all his faults and flaws, I know all too well that you can’t “change” anyone. But what I failed to realize, is all the “red flags” all throughout. Sometimes he would be more distant than other times. He would only want to see me when he was in a good mood. He would go through moments where he was very vulnerable and warm with me, and then all of a sudden he would turn ice cold and distant. At first I thought it was cause he’s a gemini (dumb, i know!) but then I realized, he’s just messed up,.. and not even I can do much to help him get out of that darkness. So now… it’s been 3 weeks since I decided that I needed to move on with my life. He has been distant with me, so I have been just as distant with him. He asked to see me but then changed his mind… (not sure what that’s all about.) But, I can’t afford my sanity to worry about him, when I really just be directing the energy towards myself. So… if I’ve learned anything these last three weeks it is,
1) Open up to your friends. While they can’t tell you what to do, the reflection aspect of opening up allows you to hear your situation aloud and makes you see things for what they are.
2) Do things that make you happy! (I have been taking dance classes and going out to dance & enjoying the music & arts scene in my city.)
3) Write what you feel, but also write what you want for yourself! Be optimistic. This will pass. There is someone so wonderful out there for you that you just have to believe it and manifest it into your life.
4) Practice gratitude. Yes, be grateful for your experience, it is teaching you many lessons. For me, it is teaching me that I am stronger than I thought, and that I do have great coping skills.
5) Cry if you need to, but once you do, more forward.
6) MEDITATE! It has been my SAVING GRACE!

Okay. Keep your head up! I am going through the same right now… so far, no-contact has been the best option for me. Smile. Do you. Love yourself! You are enough!

Best wishes!

Yes 100% 🙂

Always thinking that she will change her mind and realise that this is stupid and we can be so good together…

But I’m slowly starting to realise that it’s not going to happen so just keep being strong.

You’ve got to hold that no contact – it’s almost like proving to yourself you don’t need to be talking to them.

If they really were the perfect person you think they are then you would be together – it’s quite simple when you think about it.

Just stay strong and try and remember that there are over 3.5 billion other men in the world and you’re spending all of your time thinking about just one of those

🙂