Dear Jenna:

What were those “awful arguments” with your … best friend about? What made them awful: what words were used, tone of voice; was there screaming, abuse of any kind… what made them awful?

anita

Dear Jenna:

My two comments:

You wrote that the arguments were about things that “shouldn’t matter”- to you they shouldn’t matter. But these are things that matter to him, or may matter to him. So if he doesn’t want to discuss why he keeps old clothes, for example, don’t approach the topic again. And you wrote you teased him… about things that don’t matter. Well, don’t tease him about anything at all.

Second thing is you are not clear about what it was in his speech that was offensive to you. If you think about it more and come up with something specific, then you can tell him exactly what it is in his speaking to you that you find offensive and ask him to no longer speak these specific ways.

Also be open to him letting you know what about your speech or behavior (teasing him, maybe) bothers him.

If you do the second thing and he complies, then you can communicate again and it will not be difficult for you anymore. Then you can renew being good friends in practice.

anita