Good Morning

I have been with my BF for over 10 years. We have lived together that last 6 years. I am 40 and he is 39.
He is a daily pot smoker .. for some reason I think that his might be important.

We have had issues just like any other relationship. Although recently things are getting worse.

I won a spot in a Marathon for next year and when I told him this he freaked out. I have been running Marathons for 9 years. He decided that I was now untrustworthy because I entered a lottery drawing with out telling him. I asked him if he wanted to go since this race is not near home. His response was no. He was not going to sit in a hotel alone and then watch me recover. He also called me selfish and a variety of other names. Told me how running was stupid and so on … I told him I was going and that was that. There were some hurt feelings for a bit but then things seemed okay. I also hired a trainer – I have a back and neck issue and if I wanted to return to weight lifting I needed someone to help with proper form. This also seems to have set him off. He seems to take issue with this too. I do my sessions 2x week at 4:00 AM. Now all of sudden this is a problem. I get up at 3:00 and head to the gym in the building at 3:50AM.

Now this weekend he decides to go for the full blow up. He was upset that I wanted to go eat at a different time that what I said the day before. This lead to clothes being thrown from the closet. Laundry being kicked over. Hangers being thrown around the bedroom – of which I was not in. I was in the living room. Yelling. He eventually emerged and told me that his mental health is bad and he thinks about hurting himself. He then goes back to the bedroom because now he has to clean up the mess.

His usual reaction to things is to yell and scream and tell you how bad you are. Sit there and stew. I have seen enough of these blow ups to just walk away. I am not going to fight or attempt to communicate with someone in this state. I just leave him be till he has cooled down.

This morning he apologizes to me for the way he acted. Then he says that I never came and checked on him in the other room after he said the wanted to hurt himself. I went in the bedroom once to put the laundry away and that was it. He was watching football. He said if I had said that he would watched over me like a hawk. I call BS on this one. Anytime I have been sick or injured or when I have gone to therapy for my own well being – there is are snide remarks and criticisms. What if he had hung himself in the closet during the day … What is this ????

I am at a loss at what to do here… It has been 10 years but this recent episode…It has me wondering. He says that he is depressed. I am guessing that he self medicates with pot . The downs lately have been significant. I have been advised by friends to have an exit strategy ready.

If anyone has any thoughts that would be great …

Thanks