Dear  Gaurav Bisht:

I hope you feel better soon enough following a period of recovery from your emotional hardship.

Reads to me that the chances of her father approving of a marriage between the two of you was close to none, from the very beginning to the end of your relationship. Reads to me that she knew that all along but chose to put it out of her mind so to postpone the heartache. And it is my understanding that she wasn’t honest with you about those non existing chances.

I think her father had the power all along, not you, and that this marriage had not chance of taking place.

I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings, if it helps you somewhat, a bit.

anita

Hi Guarav,

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. I too have been in a similar situation, unfortunately more times than I care to admit. I have finally learned. Most of the men, I met via Facebook, online or other online forums. It started out innocent, friendship..but as we kept chatting, emotional bonding occurred and I would develop deep feelings for this person as months went on..and I mistakenly thought they felt the same. Then it would turn to videochatting. They were the first person I would see or messenger in the morning, and the last person, I would messenger or video chat in the evening. There were a few of them I met briefly. When we did meet, it was very “intense” because of the fantasy’s I had built up with this person, a fairytale of an imaginary life together. I live in the United States, they lived in India, Pakistan, Iraq, Cyprus, etc. Most outside the country, I find myself attracted to Latino and middle Eastern men. None of them particularly treated me very well. They told me lies, and I foolishly believed them because I thought I was “so in love”.

The first warning sign, is the parents. The parents are very close units in these countries. Marriages are often arranged. Many of these men would not tell their parents about me, because they knew their parents would never “accept” an American woman. Yet, because I thought I was in love, I did not listen to my gut, and did not take this seriously. But it is serious. Parents come first, they have the first word in these countries. The person has to marry or be with whoever the parents want them to be with, and it always ends the same, I get rejected, heartbroken, only to meet another man from another country and on it went. I finally deleted my profile. The only advice I can give you, is when the relationship starts off “intense” it will not last. You have to have a foundation of friendship first. Like a house. With no foundation, and high winds, tornado, waves, will tear it down because it has no foundation. No relationship should start out as “intense” but slowly. Get to know that person, get to trust them. Become their friends, build that foundation, so it will last.

Last thing is when someone mentions their parents are “against” a marriage or relationship between you and the other person..take it seriously, because culture, arranged marriages and culture comes first and “love” takes a back seat. When someone says this, just run..leave, get out, or you will end up being hurt. Nothing will change. Parents have the final say and control. I hope you feel better soon, and find the love you deserve.

Hi Guarav,

She cried, because she most likely loved you..and she was very sad. However, her parents came first unfortunately. You did nothing wrong. But in the future, just take it as a red flag, when someone talks about their parents being against something.

Who needs this drama?  Get out while you can!  Someone who is not their own person and can make their own decisions is not the type of person to be with.  It only gets worse with time.  Your title “Not able to overcome this break up” is what you are saying to yourself subconsciously.  Try a different mantra,  “I wish her that best, but the perfect women is around the corner.”  Keep saying this to yourself.  You will get over her and the perfect person is just waiting for you to do just that.

Hi Guarav,

If she is sad, and wants to talk, and you feel you are strong enough to talk about that without developing Re-occuring feelings for her, than I feel it would be okay to talk to her. However, you have to put yourself first and right now you are still very attached to her, so you have to be very careful how you approach talking to her about all this. If you are feeling guilty, and feel you are able to talk to her, talk to her, but don’t let it go on for a long period of time. Try to be objective and separate what she is sad about from re-developing feelings from her. What are your thoughts? You want to get over her, and I feel like continuing contact with her will only make it harder for you. But since an abortion is involved, and she needs to talk about it, and you feel you can remain objective, then by all means, talk to her. If that will help lessen your guilt. Just remember, you want to get over her, and keep your communications casual and limited.