Hello ajlewis,

I can relate to the sense of hopelessness that you may be feeling. If i’m not mistaken, you are saying that you’ve done everything correct in terms of remaining authentic, well polished, and open minded and yet nobody wants to be with you. Instead of asking what you have to offer, have you ever thought what others may be able to offer as a change? I’m sure you have a lot of wonderful things to offer, but different people have different needs. By “offer,” I don’t necessarily mean material things, but rather emotional support, respect, kindness, loyalty, and love. You say that nobody has an answer, but what is the real meaning of your question? Are you asking why you can’t find a partner because you have done X and Y? or are you saying I’ve done X and Y, so why doesn’t anyone want to be with me? or Are my X and Y good enough for anyone to want?

You feel like you’re stuck with a disease that you can’t get rid of and nobody seems to understand. You’re being over looked and passed by. It must be so difficult to live with these thoughts. I agree, being on the outside looking in we think that others have it easier than us or they easily get whatever they want. Although this is true for some people, most people are dealing with problems of their own whether that’s financial, family related, work related, etc..etc. Besides, one of the most valuable lessons in life for me has been to not compare myself to others. If we compare ourselves to others, we will always be disappointed and continue our negative thinking patterns. To compare Taylor Swift to a cashier is wrong. Taylor Swift may have worked really hard to get where she is, but she still had some luck and support from others. Whereas a cashier may not have has the same opportunities present that we present to Taylor Swift. For example, I can be sad that i’m not a model, but in all honesty being a model is out of my control because I would have to be born with a slim figure, beautiful hair, eyes, and alluring features. I would have to be discovered, otherwise I would have to be photogenic and go from shoot to shoot to make money. That being said, sometimes people like Taylor Swift and Oprah just get lucky, but if there were so many of us like them then they wouldn’t be “different” anymore. We are all unique and have different experiences, therefore we get to different places in our lives at different times.

You said “you’ve done everything right, followed all the “rules”, did everything you’re suppose to do, kept your act clean, kept your conscience clear and ended up with NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT.” Sorry to say, but there are NO rules for life. There is no right way to do it, no way to be perfect because life doesn’t come with a manual. The types of “right things” to do are merely set by society and vary from place to place. Trying to improve things over and over and over again is exhausting. Especially when you feel like you aren’t making any progress. Can I ask what you are trying to improve?

It must be so difficult to deal with life when we think it should be a certain way but isn’t going the way we think it should be going. I’m sure you’ve figured out that we can’t control the world around us. People, places, life, and everything else in the world is changing. Nothing is ever the same from one moment to another. What we can do is learn how to deal with the world when it’s changing on the outside. To have expectations is good, but we should learn not to get defeated when they are not met. Try to spend some time alone and figure out what the good things are about yourself. We may think others have it better than we do, but we can’t see their struggles. What do you think?

Annie