Dear Pearce Hawk

Thanks for such a beautiful metaphor. I think, and hope that i am on the right path. But I guess there are ups and downs along the way. relationship and emotions have always been my archille’s heels, it can drag me to a space where i find it hard to stay sane.

But I guess i always try to stop and think a bit before i act in general, it’s hard for someone who is  very sentimental and full of feelings, yet i think i am practicing it.

Dear Anita

Icing helps, and rest more! you can also stay with us and talk with us =)

Indeed it is just  a very causal communication. we just talked about each other’s life in general, ocassionally something about our value etc. i think it’s mainly because  we talk consistently for half a year, it’s just like habit, that i feel comfortable with. and talking to this person, for some reason even on the first time that we met, i felt very very at ease, which is quite unusual. I guess she was not someone on my to-date list, so much younger and i don’t often get attracted to people with her outlook, she did help me break some boundaries, in terms of who to look for in a romantic relationship.

But in any case, I can keep on fantasizing, you are right too, my peace of mind is  so hard to attain that I need to safeguard.

she can be a good  friend, just not now, not when I would fantasize a romantic relationship could happen while she  stated that she treated me as good  friend.

I look forward to having such mutual love too, hope i can tell you at some point of my life

Take very good care

Chau

Hi Anita and all

Can’t believe it’s almost  3 months since  I last dropped  a message!

I hope by now Anita’s walking fast and healthy like before

I have always wanted to come back to leave a message, just want to say hi or  just simply to update my life to you a bit

I have been actively engaged in my marathon training, been quite nervous  and unsure if I can finish  it by the time limit, but well, it’s in 2 week’s time so i guess whatever that I can do, I have done it already. (having said that i still feel nervous thinking of the race)

and as for the new person, I think we are still friends and I still enjoy talking to her, but minus the feelings or hope for romantic relationship, which i feel proud  to  have adjusted well =)

Yesterday I had a nightmare dreaming of my  ex and my ex-fd, both of them seemed to be very friendly and kind towards me, but  it is exactly how  they look  from the outside that scared the  hell out of me. I remember having this feeling of trying to be normal and nice to them yet when i see their seemingly friendly face, I can’t help but asked ‘what do you two want from me?” I guess if they acted evil i would have thought otherwise. And I cried in the  dream and realized i woke up crying heavily too.

I think I am so traumatized by the incongruity between the outlook and the inside of  a person, thinking if i might have trust issue later on.

But once I get up, and back to my conscious self, it feels like nothing have happened, just an episode that quickly subsidized.

Anyways, I hope all is well with everyone, will share again if I can successfully complete my very first marathon.

All the best

Chau

hi anita!

coming back to tell that i have finished the marathon yesterday!

the course was a bit more difficult than i had thought, but i just kept telling myself to run forward regardless. in fact, i felt quite alright the entire way, all the preparation, both mental and physical ones, allowed me to keep going despite some ups and downs. its hard to imagine that i am leas to here a year ago!

regarding your explanation, it may be right, but i think these exist only in my mind and i cant really figure whether this is true or not, may be its me having this idea that they want to treat if as if no harm done( which after you said it, i do have this impression that this is what they are trying to make me think)

anyways, i am so happy that i have done it, and am thinkng to keep this running habit, it calms my mind

hope things are good on your side. all the best

chau

Hi Anita and all

I just wanted to come back and wish you all a lovely Christmas and a wonderful new year 🙂

I am undergoing the training for my second marathon. It is true, marathon is indeed quite addictive.

Family dispute happened recently , and i realized i have reacted very differently to the previous me. Previously I might just accept whatever was presented to me, even though that might has crossed my boundary, i would ask myself to be empathetic and understanding and just accept things as how it is. But this time, i refused and i stood strong.

Regarding whether i was right or wrong in that particular subject matter I am not 100% sure, I guess afterall it’s just a matter of perspective. But i think, I refuse to let that negativity to get inside me, which i believe is something that caused my depressed mood while i broke up with my ex, and turned outward instead.

I find it quite hard to draw that line on when you should let go of what you think is right, so that you don’t hurt someone whom you care. Vs when to stand firm and protect your own well being, particularly when what you want conflict with what the other person wants.

reviewing on what i have done in 2017, i feel that this is a great year of growth. Last year i was shattered by the betrayal. This year I have backpack and travelled around for months, which is definitely in my wish list. and that i have done the marathon which is really out of my expectation. I was told by one runner before that it would be too hard for me to run marathon, yet i have done it and is going another one very soon.

Hopefully the coming year we all have enough difficult and blissful time to make it a fruitful year of growth.

Take very good care and have a lovely holdiay

Chau

Dear Anita

Thanks so much for your prompt reply, as always. Thanks for remembering me too 🙂

I think that makes perfect sense, to attain a win win situation.But I think it takes a lot of wisdom, on both sides, to attain that.Probably still needs some time to figure it out.

I had an experience recently that I want to share, about my ex. The other day i used an essential oil that i brought from Croatia, where i had my very last trip with my ex and that’s where i found out she was cheating on me. i was aware that this particular one was from Croatia but I didn’t realize how it could trigger my memory. I think i had been quite consciously avoiding to use it, but somehow it has been in my drawer long enough for me to forget that i was avoiding it.

I was doing yoga at home with it and suddenly an image popped up which is a scene on the day, i was picking up a flower for my ex. That’s exactly the day when i bought the essential oil and basically that’s the day when everything unfolded. Eventually i went through a mental journey on the things that we did on that day, and the days onwards.

i couldn’t recall much about that day previously. I think it’s too traumatic that i had mentally blocked everything out. And when this particular aroma elicited the images of that day, i couldn’t help but cried for quite a while. and as i was crying i thought ‘finally i  could remember things that happened on that day’.

Heart felt quite heavy initially, but eventually it subsided.

I was still able to see my ex and my ex-friend together in social media once in a while,  we still have common friends. Sometime i can’t really figure out what i feel when i saw her/ them together, but i know the emotions that i have is a lot milder, which i can easily put aside and focus back on the day.

and i guess from time to time i feel i am unsure of whether i could find someone i could really love and get along? that adds to the feeling of a lot of ‘what if’. What if i didnt’ have those tantrums, would i be with her and would she be the one. always been someone who is quite insure, sounds silly but from time to time, i do think ‘may be being with someone can solve the insecurity’

of course there is another voice and for now I am still on my own(actually quite happily) , just that there are ups and downs and things like these happen

But overall, i can’t complain, came back from the lowest afterall.

I hope life treats you well and that everything is fine on your side too

And yes, just another few days to go and it’s another brand new year

Cheers

Chau

Hi Anita and all

Can’t believe i haven’t written anything in 3 months time! hope things are going on well!

I completed my second marathon as planned, and have gone further to go some trail running. I realized these really helped me a lot. While previously i relied more on travelling and seeing new things to give me comfort. Exercising helps me to be in a general state of calmness for most of the time. It’s summer time and i am cutting down to rest my feet as well,

How have you been?

Regarding relationship(well this forum is on relationship), I do have someone who i am interested in, but for some reason i don’t make a very big effort in approaching. and am taking things very lightly. I think one of the things that i have definitely changed after the betrayal, was to take things slower. It’s a lot more obvious at this point, when everything already sunk in.

I don’t know if it’s good or not, well i guess there is no good or not in relationship as long as I am not in a toxic relationship. It’s all about what suits you

While i think the relationship with my parents are a lot more of my highlight now. They still treat me as a little child who needs to call if i am out late(i guess every parents treat their grown up daughters children anyways). While i want to break free of them, I do know they need me and it’s doing everything out of care. Tension still exists, but well, I guess it happens everywhere and I am still seeing the bright side of it.

Anyways, just a short update this time

Hope everything is well

Chau