Dear cali sister:

I am glad M is being very supportive, excellent. I’ll be here all day long, a couple  of hours away later on, but the computer will be on until about 9 pm your time. When I see your name on the list of Topics I will answer. (If you see that I submitted a post t someone else, it means that I didn’t see that you posted before I attended another thread).

added: your yoga class celebration- that is heart warming, to me, it means a lot. Thank you.

anita

Dear cali sister:

You are very welcome. Call the police if and after you tell them to not contact you and they contact you anyway. Warn them first. And change your phone number.

anita

Dear cali sister:

I am proud of you too.

“even though I am so emotional right now, I am functioning. Which is a huge improvement from last year”- the slow, step by step healing/ improvement work you’ve done in the last two years is paying off. You have practice functioning no  matter how you feel, you built that kind of resilience over time and you can trust it now.

anita

Dear cali sister:

You mean what text you should send, as to the words?

anita

Dear cali sister:

Write what comes to your mind and I will be glad to give you my input/ suggest an editing. (Will you be sending it to your father’s and mother’s phones, same message?)

anita

Dear cali sister;

Interesting- my last note to my mother had the same thing in it, I too wrote to her that I was doing it for my health, that was my stated purpose in my last note to her.

* Which brings me to this question: you do know that this no-contact step will not bring you instant peace and well- being-  do you know this clearly?

It was not the magical solution I hoped it would be- it was a necessary step that made it possible for me to proceed in the long process of healing and experiencing a better quality of life, still an ongoing process.

As to your draft of the text, it is fine. If you want to consider this editing, do so. The purpose of my editing is that you keep this text (sent to both of their phones):

– to use it in the future, in case you do involve the police, as well as if you will need to get a restraining order from the courts (I don’t think it will happen but I cannot predict the future, of course).

– “You may never know why or think you have done nothing wrong etc.” is a waste of text space. You can add that, but it is useless. It won’t hurt if you keep that.

-“this is not my fault”- this is giving them more information (as if they needed any more) as to how they can further hurt you, telling you in so many ways that indeed it is your fault.

So this is what I suggest:

“I love you and care for you (…?), however I can no longer tolerate your behavior. For my health, it is the best decision for me to no longer keep in contact with you. Please do  not contact me anymore. I moved apartments- do not go to my old apartment or my new one, or to any apartment I may ever live in. If you do, I will call the police. Do not come to my workplace looking for me. If you do, I will call the police.”

I started with the Love part because in the beginning and for so long, you loved them so. Begin with the love part because this is what you are about and have been for so long, loving your parents.

You can add if you want something following “I love you and care for you”, or redo this sentence so to fully express your love for them, so that in the future, you will have the peace of mind that you did indeed express that love accurately to them, this one last time. If you want, you can add that love part to the end of your text. And maybe (?) add that your decision is final.

What do you think?

anita