Dear cali sister:

Yes, your previous post didn’t reflect, so anytime you wonder why it is taking me long to reply to you, check if your last post reflected, if it didn’t- I don’t know you posted. I check sometimes but this morning I figured you are busy and didn’t post.

“sometimes throughout the work day, I remember that I don’t have anything to worry about and I feel free and happy. Sounds silly doesn’t it?” –

-in the context of living with/being in contact with Parrot it is silly because she is right there to rain on your parade of life at any time by reminding you, by the sound of her voice, if not by her words, that there is something to worry about! So why bother with a moment of no-worry.

This is why NC is a necessary step for you.

anita

Dear cali sister:

A “crisp cooling feeling” of freedom, unlike the uncomfortable heat and stagnation of worry. We really don’t have to live the same-old-same-old life experience we had in our childhood homes.

The world is so much bigger than that one house, so many more people  than those two, in that one house. “a new world”- you stated it yourself in the title of your thread. The first birth was in that small context of that one house, those two people. Your “rebirth” is into this new world, a way, way bigger world. So much more and better in it for cali sister to experience!

anita

Dear cali sister:

I didn’t know about the fetal position in yoga, didn’t hear about it before, strange because I participated in yoga classes for over two years, a few times per week. Well, as you know, babies cry when they are born because it is not a pleasant experience for them to take that first breath. It will be difficult for you too, this rebirth,  but that “crisp cooling  feeling” of freedom makes it worthwhile!

Especially when you experience more and more of it.

anita

Dear cali sister:

I do believe in energy, of course. It is a scientific fact. Emotions are energy-in-motion(E-motion), energy that motivate us to motion, or action. This is how animals operate, not by logic, but by emotion: fear-> run, anger-> fight or threaten, sexual excitement-> mate, curiosity-> investigate, experiment, affection-> wag that tail, lick person’s nose. And so forth.

Regarding good attracting good- you were nothing but a good little girl- didn’t attract the (non existing  by then) good of Parrot, did it. On the other hand, most people have some good left, so ones good attracts the other’s good, at least at this moment or the other.

Regarding self parenting- I mentioned yesterday, be that parent you needed to yourself and to others, meaning be everything Parrot wasn’t: particularly, be empathetic toward yourself, not aggressive and not hostile like she was. Don’t pressure yourself to feel this or that like she did. Don’t scare yourself like she scared you.

You know what she did to you- don’t you do that to you!

Makes sense?

anita

Dear cali sister:

Societal pressure to produce “positive energy” and “good vibes” is negative energy and a bad vibe, says I.

I know you did not exaggerate about how anxious you are and have been, that baseline anxiety. I know this kind of anxiety, but not too long ago I wasn’t aware myself of how anxious I was throughout the day because I was sort of spaced out and distracted.

Seems like I will not have that photo link ready tonight, tomorrow I hope. I will leave the computer on in case you post in the next hour.

anita