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Never Said Goodbye

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  • November 21, 2017 at 6:41 am #178911
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Clair:

    You wrote that the night before he wasĀ  to leave to his new apartment he toldĀ  you that he cannot count on his family but he can count on you.Ā  You responded to him telling him that you will give him time away from you so “to give him timeĀ  to settleĀ  in andĀ  be withĀ  his family”-

    I don’t understand: why did you wantĀ  to give him time away from theĀ  person he said he couldĀ  count on andĀ  with the family he saidĀ  he couldĀ  not count on?

    anita

    November 21, 2017 at 3:14 pm #178981
    Clair
    Participant

    No, the conversation about who he was able to count on took place about 9 months into our relationship. What he said to me the last night we were together before he was to be discharged from the Rehab facility when he asked for a kiss was if I was embarrassed. When everything was being organized and set up for him to move into a handicap apartment which was about 2 weeks before he left, he told me he would finally be able to lock his door. He would finally be able to have real privacy, no constant interruptions, peaceful sleep and that we could finally be free to show our affection for one another.As far as him being able to count on me, I was always there. I did everything for him. I was risking my job to save him. He was very well aware of that. I wanted him to enjoy time to himself, some space. He had not been able to care for himself and be independent for 3 years since the onset of his illness.

    November 22, 2017 at 4:53 am #179103
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Clair:

    When he told you that he “would finally beĀ  able to have real privacy, no constant interruptions”, you think he meantĀ  that heĀ  wantedĀ  privacy from you, no interruptions by you?

    And if so, how does it fit with you tellingĀ  him that you will be giving him timeĀ  to beĀ  with his family, following his discharge: wouldn’t time with his family negate privacy and wouldn’t that be interruptions, to him?

    anita

    November 23, 2017 at 5:46 pm #179277
    Wanderlust16
    Participant

    Maybe he just didn’t want to burden you and feels shamed that he had a setback.Ā  Maybe he fears intimacy. Being at the facility there was lack of privacy, therefore, he felt safe and now that he’s on his own, he’s fearful of being alone with a woman. I wouldn’t take his actions personally. It probably has nothing to do with you but what he’s going through personally. We’re speculating not knowing what’s going on with him.Ā  You did your best by trying to reach out and that’s all you can do. In the meantime, I would focus on you.Ā  Best of luck.

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