So here is my current situation.
I am suffering. The last year has been awful and I am not able to cope just with gratitude and meditation alone

I have been renting a room to my mom for the past few years because she has been terminally ill with breast cancer. My relationship with her has always been emotionally abusive and extremely stressful. I have taken the stance that I need to help her and honor her as my parent. I knew the suffering that I would have to incur would be in the end to my benefit as I would learn to understand why she hurts me and hopefully learn to forgive her.

Back in November I became pregnant with my first child. I found out while I was hospitalized for a brain disorder called Intracranial hypertension. I ended up having severe double vision and neck pain. I had to have a lumbar puncture to drain my spinal fluid so I wouldn’t lose my vision. I spent two months recovering from that basically in bed everyday. I feared what my life would be like if I had to deal with this condition along side my already disabling condition of fibromyalgia. I am 23 years old and have no decent formal education and student debt from living with fibromyalgia. I am unable to work.

The next few months I struggled a lot with my mom. She was getting worse and now has been given 2-3 months to live. I have struggled being disabled and pregnant caring for her. When she was to pass away my mom promised that I would have a decent life insurance settlement to take care of a few things in my life. Last year it was accidentally cancelled and we have been dealing with the stress at the end of her life just to make ends meet. While going into debt trying to keep her alive.

I feel my body failing me more than ever as I have developed panic attacks. I am worried for the health of my child, myself and all of the years of abuse I have endured by my mom. I feel like I have been left with nothing but sorrow right now and the inability to care for myself and others. I am failing, and that is why my suffering is so large.

I do have a wonderfully helpful husband and extended family, but I find many of the responsibilities emotionally left on to me. I have always been the bearer of emotional burdens in my family. I am an only child with a mother who has consistantly relied on me. I have never minded, but I am breaking down so fast I cannot cope effectively any longer.

I am looking for some buddhist resources as I have always found some peace through that. I would appreciate any and all advice to help relieve my suffering. I know suffering is a choice, coming from within.. but I am feeling weak from the constant pummelling of bad news.