Negative thoughts from my past acts

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This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 8 months ago by Will.

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February 21, 2014 at 3:17 am #51498

Devis Shirima
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Before getting married, I was having an affair with a woman apart from the one who is now my wife, and after marriage we did continue with our relationship, it comes to time i start to blame myself why am i cheating, i decide to make on decision of leave her alone and start stick with my wife and my kid. This is how problem start even though i left that woman, still her thoughts and her acts keep repeating in my thoughts i start fighting with the thoughts by praying everyday, and even during the prayers she still coming in between my privacy with God !! I want this situation to end and I really need you support guys !! Help me out !! Am a victim !!

February 21, 2014 at 4:49 am #51503

Shirlee
Participant

Hello , I understand the tough situation here, I have had something similar but it was only a one time thing I gave it up for my lover, it was very wrong of me and I repent everyday that was like 2 or so years ago.. I know that I had to make a choice live like this in a shameful way or I had to completely change my ways. Now the first and foremost question is that are you really ready to spend your lifetime with your wife even though clearly another woman has your attention? To me that isn’t fair to the wife. Now I respect that you have come to a final decision. For me thinking about the person I was with only made things harder. If you really chose your wife you should learn to control your thoughts and urges. We all as humans have this battle. It’s about willpower and deciding what you need in the long run. My complete suggestion is to get rid of anything that reminds you of this woman, in that even don’t revisit places unless you can control your mind. Prayer won’t help unless you are 100% ready to let go of this person and the relationship you’ve had. All I see an issue with is dragging your wife along when your heart and mind have been elsewhere. I wish you the best of luck and you and your family deserve pure love without regret or any negative barriers. Have a beautiful day and fill your heart with love, you’ll pull through.

February 21, 2014 at 7:34 am #51510

Matt
Participant

Devis,

Consider that perhaps your tresspass wasn’t against god, it was against your wife. So, submitting your situation to god is not helping, and won’t until you confess and repent. Your wife has the right to hate you or forgive you, and as you work through the consequences of your behavior, you’ll find peace. Said differently, perhaps trying to bury the past under your family home will result in much stink, a lasting instability. As you try to release it back to god, perhaps the message is “not so fast, mister… not that easy… there is a wound for you to tend.”

That being said, why wasn’t one woman enough? What are you missing? What did the mistress give you that your wife isn’t? Discovering that may greatly reduce your confusion, your restlessness.

With warmth,
Matt

February 21, 2014 at 10:10 am #51515

Purpose
Participant

Lillwaters.. my DEAR my wishes are der wid u… im sorry for al whats going on wid u rite now… but please dont give up dear… you are soo young ..u have a wonderfull lofe ahead… just believe that u r special…and here preaent in this world for a reason… try to first love yourself..rest al wil be taken care of.. i read above suggestions…trust me…by writing here..u have already started a journey back to life… you are now in safe hands…keep posting here n let us knw how you are feeling… everyone is der wid u.. al u need is to be gentle wid yourself….
start wid a smal prayer when u start ur day n before sleep.. God is very kind …
Smile dear… Im sure u have the best on 🙂
For now…a big hug for you { }

February 21, 2014 at 10:11 am #51516

Purpose
Participant

Im sory due to some problem in my phone..my reply got posted here….
🙂

February 21, 2014 at 11:27 pm #51535

Devis Shirima
Participant

Thanks for the advice Shirlee !! I’ve done one of your suggestions am far away her place, and i did let her go she don’t even call me no more and I’ve accept that fact. And for now Am trying to remember good moments that I was having with my wife. One thing about my wife she is furious with little things, when she become furious she makes me go back to past my remembering the woman that I’ve let her go, so what is your advice on this !!

February 21, 2014 at 11:33 pm #51536

Devis Shirima
Participant

Thanks Matt !! The problem is, I really try so hard to let mistress go, but my wife she is a woman that get anger so easy, even for small things that she can take easy. That makes me to think of the other side, so what can I do to control that in her, because the other side she cant get anger so easy, she smiles always no matter if she is in trouble. I sometimes think how am I go to transmit that habit into my wife so that, I can have her just as mistress !!!

February 21, 2014 at 11:38 pm #51537

Devis Shirima
Participant

Thanks for the hug Purpose !! And for the advice too, I’ve start praying daily and bury down the past, I would like to take control of my heart to my wife for now but, the problem my wife she get angry so easy even for the little things that she can take easy !! How am i going to make her get out of the habit because it weakens me and make me remember of the past !!

February 23, 2014 at 12:18 am #51557

Howard Williams
Participant

Your story suggests that you are out of integrity and out of alignment with your own values. Consider getting your life straight. You are in charge of your choices, not your chattering brain.

February 26, 2014 at 1:49 am #51812

Will
Participant

Dear Devis Shirima,

I’m afraid I have to disagree with you. You are not the victim here. You can’t keep blaming your wife’s anger for your wandering mind. It’s YOUR mind. YOU are responsible for what it does.

You decided to let go of your mistress, so now you want to make your wife more like your mistress? No. She is who she is. She gets angry over little things. You know, that’s probably not pleasant for her, either. Instead of trying to make her into someone else, try asking how you can help her get a handle on her temper.

When thoughts of your mistress trouble you, remind yourself of the choice you made. Don’t get mad, just be firm with your mind, like it’s a child. “OK, mind, I don’t want to think about that. That’s in the past now. I want to think about my wife and child. I love them, because ___________”

Take responsibility. Love your wife. Tell the thoughts of your mistress you’re not interested in them anymore. Be strong, and over time, the memories of her will start to fade.

All my best wishes to you and your wife.
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