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Negative thoughts and sex life issues

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  • July 18, 2014 at 12:39 pm #61221
    Matt
    Participant

    MaRia,

    Many of us have a history that is uncomfortable to share, and with your prodding, its no wonder that he felt afraid to be honest!

    Consider most of the issue seems to come from this shock that two people had sex. Partly because the roles are less typical, age differences, crossing of parent/child friendships. Even so, so what? Can you accept that your prince has some cracks on his leather saddle? Said differently, are anyone’s past choices pristine? Then why bother holding onto it?

    Another way of approaching this is to think about what you’re actually doing, here and now. Your mind is kind of spinning, yelling at people for having a past that is disagreeable to you, not what you want it to be. This prevents it from being simple. For instance “why did that happen?” “I don’t know, seemed fun, didn’t last, moved on…” “ah, want to rub my shoulders? This topic unnerves me, I could use a hand or two.” Why let it stand between you two? Why grab the whip? Why lash? Why build a wall? He shared some dances with unlikely maidens before finding his princess… but don’t we all?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    July 18, 2014 at 3:37 pm #61225
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi MaRia,

    I can see how your emotions would get the best of you. It’s a complex situation family and friend wise. Then there’s trust. I don’t blame you for reaching out for advice on it, though, because as Matt so aptly put it, this stuff is in the past, time to let it go and be with your guy in the present.

    As a Scorpio, though, another water person, my passion and dedication run high and the worst thing a girl can do is cross up on trust. I too am sensitive underneath. Being faithful is paramount. Maybe more practically because I would never be unfaithful or break a trust. Until the first time I do. Then, please don’t step on me with your heel because I’m really human.

    But, if you say my mistake (the not owning up mistake) did not work for you, and you expect honest communication and trust in the relationship, I would hold hands and say yes – me too. Please forgive me. I’d talk about what our relationship means and put into perspective that this other one is in the past.

    Again, it is 100% understandable that you have emotions and thoughts on this. What you need to do is to mentally forgive – everyone not just him – and work to build your own strong, trusting relationship. You’ll have other rough waters ahead, so use this as a way to grow.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Big blue.
    July 21, 2014 at 6:25 am #61386
    Aquamarina
    Participant

    Thank you Matt and Bid Blue for your words of advise, I appreciate your taking the time to respond and it’s refreashing to receieve imput as I have not been able to talk about this with almost anyone.


    @Matt     – you’re absolutely right…we all have something about our past that isnt perfect. I am letting it silently sabotage our relationship. Who am I to use it against him? It can be a struggle at times (its so hard to not think about it!) but I will have to look past it if I wish to continue and keep this a healthy relationship.
    I am after all his princess 🙂

    @Big Blue, my emotions do overwhelm me most of the time….i wish I had more self control. Its crazy..if something or someone hurts me I just react. I dont think rationally because the emotions always get the better of me, i act on the moment and according to what my emotions “tell” me is the rational thing to do. Really, he thinks i’ve fully forgiven him he is unaware of how much it still impacts me. I will have to sit him down and have a nice loooong chat. You’re right, We are only human and I’m not perfect either. We will see how it goes. 🙂

    Thank you so much! 🙂

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