Dear Andy:

I don’t know if this is the time for further reflection into what might be “just me”- or Just Andy. I don’t know if this is the right time for further reflection into your past, other than the relationship you are grieving. So to find out more about your feeling that you were betrayed and what that means.

Let me know if you’d like to examine it sometime in the future, when you are calm, capable and interested. My main concern is that you do what needs to be done to be good to yourself during this difficult time!

anita

Dear Andy:

i don’t know if I understand your last post. You want to move on, to let go completely. How?

And I am wondering about what you wrote: “I never give up on people or on things that have significance”- what people and things did you never give up on?

anita

Dear Andy:

You hit it off again with the friend, is the friendship still ongoing? Is he in your life now?

anita

Dear Andy:

is he helping you at this time? Spending time with you as you grieve?

anita

Dear Andy:

But you are talking about it here with me, even though it hurts and isn’t it helping you a bit, to talk about it here, with me? Why not with him, why wouldn’t it help you to talk about it with him?

What is the brotherhood like, the brotherhood you have with him. Why doesn’t it include intimate sharing about this most important time you are going through?

anita

Dear Andy:

I understand your concern about your friends thinking you are weak and remembering your previous thread, you wrote that friends gave you advice that didn’t benefit you, writing her a note and giving it to her. You followed their advice and regretted it.

I suppose there are all kinds of friends, different degrees of closeness. I imagine a closer male friend will not think of you as weak for being human. A closer friend, one that is honest about his own feelings, will understand it is only human (and not unmanly) to grieve a love relationship with a woman.

Yes, there are all kinds of relationships. Some are fun at times but give advice that is not useful or gave the “get over it” attitude, that is also not useful.

Notice the different kinds of relationships and aim at having at least one more authentic relationship, where you feel accepted and not negatively criticized.

If you are super close with this friend you mentioned, then you can reach out to him and that can make a real difference to you. And in addition to it, post here any time and I will answer every time!

anita

Dear Andy:

Don’t rush yourself to move forward, try to not even want to move forward. The way this works is you accept the way things are, the way you feel. You accept being stuck and then, naturally you will get unstuck and you will move forward.

The more you want a feeling to stop, this pain, the more it will stay. You accept it, welcome it even, truly and … it sort of gets bored and goes away. It is like a guest you hate having, this pain, you really want it gone. But the more you hate it, the more it wants to stay.

You welcome it, and it doesn’t feel like staying anymore. Can you imagine it working like that? There is a saying: What you resist- persists. You resist this heartache, you want it gone, you fight it… and it will stay. Let it in, take it all in, let it be, and it will move through and away from you.

anita