Andy!!!
I hear you. I understand your pain SO WELL, trust me. I’ve just recovered out of 4 months after a break up. My days were just like yours. I also found out about other women with my ex. In fact I found out a lot of terrible stuff. But trust me- IT GETS BETTER. I’m here doing a lot better 4 months after. I’m stronger and I know myself much better now. I used to be skeptical when people told me that all the time. But yes we do heal. I even had arguments with all my frineds- almost lost most of them. So trust me please. It gets better!!!!

Andy I’ll tell you something that happened to me a month ago, might help you to feel better.
I’ve had quite a rough break up, as I said, 4 months ago. Story was very long, but in a nut shell, I had broken up myself and then regretted. In multiple attempts to mend it and try to get back with him (we were doing long distance) I was near his town and asked to see him. We hung out together and it felt like old times. Gave me a lot of hopes – until a couple of days later I found out he was seeing…his ex, the one before me. So he ”cheated” her with me. Yes. Andy, I feel like I’ve lived a lie for the 2.5 years I had been with him. But it only made me realize he is not the person I want to be with and I forgave myself and felt a huge relief.
So she’s not the person you want to be with. If you feel lied to. No one wants that. Relationships have to be built over TRUST.
Get better!!

Dear Andy:

You wrote a song and played it on your guitar, prayed, read the bible, plan to go to church… you do want to cope and get passed this intense pain. I am glad.

You asked above: “How could someone do that (go into another relationship 2 weeks after a 4 year relationship with you) to someone they love?”

I am intrigued by questions. If you’d like, I can attempt to come up with possible answers and you can examine them. you wrote last that you can’t think straight and of course, you are in pain. So if and when you are willing to attempt to answer this question, please do let me know.

Take care of yourself, Andy!

anita

Dear Andy:

The question, then is: ““How could someone do that (go into another relationship 2 weeks after a 4 year relationship with you) to someone they love?”

Possible answers:

a. There were troubles in the 4 year relationship for a long time before the breakup. It was a gradual process of breaking up, only you are not aware that it was gradual. It was not something solid for 4 years and then a sudden breakup. There was lack of communication between you and her for a while before the final breakup. And so, she didn’t “do that”- that is, she didn’t out of nowhere cut the relationship and started another.

b. The relationship was solid enough for the great majority of the 4 years, then for a couple of months, a few weeks (as sudden as I can imagine it to be) there was a deterioration of the relationship and so, within a couple of months your relationship with her deteriorated and she started a new relationship.

I am taking a break here to ask you if you choose a, b, a combination of the two or none …something else?

anita

Dear Andy:

Is it good to be single for a while or just get into another relationship, you asked and I am assuming you are asking about you, if it is good for you, correct?

I would say… as long as you learn something of significance about the previous relationship, it is a good idea to go to another. As long as you learn something of significance.

What says you?

anita

Dear Andy;

She is “taken”- I prefer to put it differently: she is otherwise engaged.

I hope you don’t end up “taken” by a woman… and maybe this is something significant to learn. Maybe.

Since you think it is better for you to be single, then be single.

My thoughts: There is no such thing as post-relationship loyalty, you know. She being … otherwise engaged with another man is not a betrayal of you once it happened after the ending of your relationship. And you remaining single, does not make you a better person, a more of a loyal person since there is… no such thing as post-relationship loyalty.

anita