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Need wisdom for time of feeling inadequate

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  • December 15, 2016 at 9:20 am #122787
    Holly
    Participant

    I have grown to feel fairly self-confident and self-loving.
    However, as someone who studies music I find it so easy to compare myself when I can see that someone is more talented than myself which IS often.
    I know that by resenting a person’s talent for being superior to my own I am looking at the situation the wrong way – I SHOULD be able to listen to it and appreciate it without telling myself that I’m not as good or that I need to get to their standard.

    Today we were being assessed on electronic music performances and last week on pieces that we had produced. Being able to overhear other people’s music from outside of the room makes me begin to doubt my own work even though I am happy with it until this moment.

    What is your best advice for someone who is feeling in adequeate as a result of comparing themselves to other people?

    • This topic was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Holly.
    December 15, 2016 at 9:25 am #122791
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Focus on developing your music, your skills on a daily basis – try to be better than what you are yesterday.

    There will be people who will be better or worse than you in this area. The cycle of comparing is pointless. What you need to see is how you can get ideas and improvement points from others.

    Accept that your music is good but have the humility to improve.

    This all boils down to a fixed vs growth mindset. Manage your negative thoughts.

    When you feel overwhelmed by how good they are, tell yourself you are lucky to be around such talented people. It means you are talented too and can learn from them as well.

    December 15, 2016 at 9:51 am #122794
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear hollypop:

    To add to Nina’s wise, very well articulated advice:

    When you realize you just compared and felt the resulting resentment, don’t chastise yourself for thinking and feeling so. Don’t say to yourself something like: “I shouldn’t feel this way; I should feel that way instead.”

    There is a valid message to the comparing and resenting, the message I believe is that part of you is hurting for believing you are not good enough. Not as a musician, but as a person. The “not good enough/ not worthy enough” is dwelling at the moment in this particular comparison, because you are currently involved with music. But if you weren’t, this “not good enough” core belief would have dwelt in another context.

    This is why the core belief needs to be attended to, more.

    anita

    December 15, 2016 at 2:40 pm #122824
    Holly
    Participant

    Nina, that is a much more positive way of looking at this. I AM lucky to be around such talented people for the reason that I can learn from them.

    anita, very true – I will have a good think about this and hopefully find the root of the problem and try to fix it.

    Thank you both 🙂

    December 15, 2016 at 8:41 pm #122839
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, hollypop. Post anytime.
    anita

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