Hi Surabhi, first of all I wish I could give you a great big hug. It’s so very hard living in this crazy world sometimes, huh 🙂 First of all, I want you to know you have everything you need right now, including love. It’s true I promise. It’s just hard to see sometimes with all the drama that surrounds us.

I don’t know why some of us chose/were chosen to come into this world to parent’s who cannot give love. I “believe” it is because some souls have chosen to evolve further in this lifetime. Either way it is a bumpy road sometimes.

You have a great opportunity Surabhi, to learn the ultimate lesson of “self love”. Not narcissistic love, but a deep love of who you really are… which is pure love. Once you do that, you will be surprised how people around you will start to treat you differently. In order to do this, you are going to have to give yourself the love you may not have gotten elsewhere. You will have to nurture yourself, and stop being so hard on yourself. I am guessing you are probably your own worst critic. Maybe a perfectionist? 🙂

Surabhi, have you ever taken the time to congratulate yourself on your accomplishments? You are an engineer, which is a pretty hard college program – very few people could make it through (including me), that is pretty dang awesome. You are working on a Master’s. You are so very strong for making it through childhood with less than stellar family dynamics. You have seen and felt some really hard things, but you made it through. Celebrate this, so many people would have given up already. You are a sensitive soul, and that is something else to celebrate … because we need more in this world.

In order to move on, you are going to really have to work on nurturing yourself. This means being able to cry without judgement. You will need to nurture yourself like a child, allow yourself to feel what you need to. You are going to have to take responsibility for yourself. This means realizing your parents cannot give you what you need, you have to give it to yourself. Once you start to give yourself what you need, and don’t expect it from others, you will be surprised how others will change their reaction to you. When you heal yourself, you heal the world and those around you.

It’s not easy nurturing ourselves. It takes discipline and heart. But I think you can do it Surabhi. I think you can heal the parts of you hurting, and in the process heal those around you. You are a strong person, but you have deep feelings too. You have to recognize and nurture those feelings.

If you ever want to talk feel free to email me anytime. I have been in your shoes before.

Lots of love – Mel

Hi Surabhi, after reading your post I couldn’t help but to notice you listing all the negative aspects of your life. Sometimes we get so caught up in the bad things in our lives that we forget about the good. When I start feeling bad about myself I sit down and write down all the good things about me and my life. Things will never be perfect and we have to be grateful for what we have been given. It sounds like you are a really nice and smart girl. I know you may feel like your family isn’t the best but at least you have a family. It also sounds like you were given the opportunity to go to school and even obtain an Engineering degree. If you feel like your family and friends are bringing you down then go find new friends and family. One thing I have learned is that your family doesn’t have to be only blood relatives. Family is those individuals who are close to you and are there for you. Don’t limit yourself to a fishbowl, travel and maybe move somewhere where you can meet new people and start your own life. After all this is your life and you shouldn’t let others dictate it. Also don’t expect other people to give you things that only you can give yourself. Love yourself first and you’ll soon realize that what others may thing doesn’t matter. If you want something, go get it. Finish school, move to a new town and meet new people and learn new things about the world. Perhaps try volunteering, this will help you see beyond your own needs. It will help you realize that there are more important things in life. Focus on the good and love yourself, only you can make yourself happy. Good luck and don’t give up.

Hi Surabhi!

First, a big hug for you!

Second, I know what you’re going through because I went through similar predicament when I was younger. I think you’re yearning for some love in your life and I know it sucks when the very people that are supposed to love you hurt you instead.

Now, I’m 27 years old. Ten years ago, I was where you are right now. My parents were emotionally distant (they still are), me and my siblings couldn’t care less about each other because they have also been depraved of love. My father and my brother beat me and called me fat, ugly, etc and my brother stole my cellphone, twice! And guess what, my parents didn’t believe their holy son could have done such things.

I was depressed, and just like you, I would burst into tears in public places out of nothing. I also cried every night and no one ever approached me to offer some listening ears or a shoulder to cry on. At my worst, every night as I was crying, I’d mumble ‘there’s no hope’ repeatedly to myself like I was in some kind of trance. I began to shut myself from “friends” because they didn’t understand what I was going through or why I was so gloomy all the time. All they saw was this person with dark clouds hanging above her and they wanted nothing to do with it.

Sounds familiar?

So, you mentioned you’re an engineer pursuing your master’s degree? Good. Persevere, Surabhi. Keep calm and persevere.

What got me through my darkest hour was the knowledge that I did well academically, that no matter what, substance will triumph over any superficial things. That, and despite everything, I still want to live a good life.

After graduation, I looked for a job in another country and have been living there since. Now, my way out perhaps doesn’t apply to you, or maybe it does, but no matter what, just persevere. And sometimes it’s good to distance yourself from all the bad influence in your life including your family, if only for a while, to gain some perspectives.

When I shut myself off from my “friends” and other life distractions and became a loner, it might seem counter-intuitive but it has actually done me good because I really had a chance to think about who I was, what I wanted in life, and how I could get them.

Just persevere, Surabhi. Persevere and fight for the life you deserve.

Surabhi

You should be proud of yourself. I’m of Asian origin and always wanted to pursue with my education and do something with my life but let family get in the way by way of bullying please don’t make the same mistake I made. Looking out for your families interest or approval especially if they are the ones dragging you down is not going to help you in the long run. Be you. You believed in yourself that you would achieve in becoming an Engineer and you DID…. Do your masters and follow your heart and achieve your dream. Your success in life will automatically bring your family closer to you. You know Surabhi, being pampered doesn’t fill in the empty space where ‘love’ should be. Some parents may feel they have nothing to give, yet again their presence, words of encouragement is the biggest gift for any child, on the other hand there may be parents who have the riches to pamper you, but don’t have or provide the elements which is of vital importance in a child’s life and that is love and support . Don’t stop being you. You’re beautiful and don’t ever forget it. Its okay to cry. Its even better not to be perfect, but you are. Bullying is not acceptable so don’t accept it. Its through life’s experiences that we realise and become who we really want to become. Your life is just starting and engineering opportunities are worldwide, as the sayings go ‘ live your life, not life live you’ and build your own dreams not get hired to build someone else’s’ Its a big world out there with so many opportunities and so many wonderful people don’t wait for it, go get it. I am from a family of 3 sisters and 1 brother and believe me I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve suffered too I was too scared to even talk, so instead I let myself down by keeping quiet and not having a say in a life, made by them for me, which I didn’t want and didn’t last too long either. However, if I had the knowledge and understanding that I have today, my dream would have been built and my life would have been made by ME. PLEASE don’t make the same mistake as I did. Go fulfil your dreams and ambitions whilst you can……..You can do it……You will do it………Believe in yourself, look after yourself, love yourself. You are YOU………..

All my love
Reha x

Dear Surhabi:

You are the one and only tiny buddha member who returned to her thread so many years later. You submitted only one post on tiny buddha, and it was on this thread back  in November 19, 2013. You posted your second post today, almost 9 years later: amazing and welcome back!

I am a newer member than you (since May of 2015). The members who replied to you have been active last on Nov 2013 (Melinda),  Feb 2015 (Karin), June 2016 (Sandy), Aug 2016 (Sahara), Oct 2016 (Al), and Oct 2017 (Priscilla).

In your original post you shared that growing up, your family- a middle class Indian family-  was “always stressed“. At one time, one of your sisters tried to commit suicide. You were “a very bright child and always topper in every class“, but your academic performance began suffering because of  problems within your family.

At the time of your original post here, you were 23 (now 32), an engineer pursuing her master’s degree, and recently fired from a good company because of your “introvert behaviour“. Your two sisters were married, and (quote is slightly edited): “Now nobody in the family cares about each other… I cry a lot these days and worse, people notice that I cry but nobody cares, not even my mother, father. They just abuse me constantly. My brother is worst, he steals money from my bags. I have no friends and some that I have, I can’t call them friends because they just weaken me, insult. ..Nobody cares… Every girl around me has loving parents. If not, they have good friends, someone who actually care for them. I am just alone.. hairs turning gray, my eyes getting dark, bulging“.

You ended your original post with: “Why can’t I be like others who seem happy always? Why can’t I have ppl who care for me? Why can’t I be normal? But somehow I think that I can do better. If I try, so that I will inspire ppl who are miserable…but how? Can you tell me something that will make me strong and help me getting out of it?… somebody please talk to me”.

Almost 9 years later, you returned to indeed inspire people who are miserable, just like you mentioned so many years ago: “If anyone of you are reading after almost 9 years, I want you to know I made it! I completed my masters. Worked in a very reputed company in India. Now I have shifted to UAE in 2018 after my marriage to my boyfriend. He is most caring, loving, honest person ever. I love my family and they love me. Love is growing amongst us. Everyone is successful and happy in their lives. My brother is married and has beautiful daughter and a successful business… I am perfectly healthy, happy, energetic and full of love! And I’m pregnant with perfectly healthy child now!”-

-Congratulations for completing your master’s degree, for your successful career, your marriage and child!

What an amazing turnaround, a turnaround inspired by your desire to inspire/ help other people. You provide a strong testimony to how helping oneself and helping others go hand in hand. Thank you!!!

It’s good to read that you are “perfectly healthy, happy, energetic and full of love” now. Of course, no one can feel perfectly for too long. Enjoy it for as long as it lasts and let your successes carry you through future challenging times.

I will close my post with your words of inspiration: “Anyone reading here, please believe me I have turned around my life through Power of Positive thinking/law of attraction/self-compassion and persistence. Never give up“.

anita